If a guy bullies me, does it mean he likes me?

Being bullied is something that can happen to anyone. Girls bully girls and boys bully boys. However, when it comes to boys bullying girls, there can be a strange confusion behind what this means.

When a girl is bullied by a boy, especially at a young age, people often assume it’s because he likes her.  Because of this, it might make it easier for him to get away with bullying and harder for the girl he’s bullying to understand how to deal with it.

At the end of the day chomas, bullying in any form and for any reason is not acceptable.  

Bullying is not affection 

Some people might actually see bullying as cute or see it as affectionate. However, liking someone doesn’t mean disrespecting them, harassing them and making them feel uncomfortable. Choma, anyone who really likes you should treat you with respect first.  

It can be easy for both boys and girls to get these things confused because for a long time boys and girls have been told that boys tease and bother girls when they like them.  But hurting is not flirting.

Even if he does like you, this is the wrong way to show it. By not accepting this excuse you can start to stand up for yourself and show boys that their behaviour is not okay.

It’s okay for you to expect the males in your life to respect your boundaries, even the ones who like you. It’s not about standing back and letting people say “Maybe that’s his way of showing love” but about you having the right to say “That is not a reflection of love”. The earlier you realise that love and bruises and insults do not belong together, the earlier you learn what type of relationships to accept in your life.

Being bullied by a boy also doesn’t automatically mean that he likes you. There could be other reasons involved, one of them being that he thinks you’re an easier target simply because you’re a girl. This is actually a form of gender-based violence chomas.

It’s not okay for boys to mistreat girls and it’s important for both girls and boys to realise this.

If you’re being bullied or harassed by someone, tell an authority figure like a parent or teacher you can trust. If the first people you talk to gives you the “maybe he likes you” excuse, talk to someone else, until the bully’s behaviour is dealt with.

Even if you’re not the one being bullied by a boy but you know of someone who is, help them stand up against bullying. If you know a boy who bullies or harasses the girls he likes, tell him that this is not the right way to show girls affection and that what he’s doing is wrong and abusive.

Do you have questions about bullying, or do you feel like you don’t have anyone to talk to about your situation with bullying? Send me your question or message on Ask Choma.