What is secondary abstinence?
When you chose to wait to have sex, for whatever reason; this is known as abstinence. Many people do this because they don’t believe in sex before marriage, some because they want to wait until they feel ready, are mature enough or until they find a partner they can truly trust and love. . In a case where you have already had sex and are no longer a virgin, but choose to stop having sex and wait for a while until you are ready, this is called secondary abstinence.
Sometimes we rush into sexual activity or sexual relationships before we are actually emotionally or physically prepared for them. If you begin to feel uncomfortable with having sex, there’s nothing shameful in choosing to stop. Just because you have already had sex, doesn’t mean you need to continue. Whether you are afraid of pregnancy, contracting sexually transmitted illnesses (STIs), including HIV, or just realising that you don't want to continue for a while; secondary abstinence means making the choice to stop having sex until you are ready - this can be a month, 6 months, even a year or a few years - the choice is yours.
If you are in a relationship and no longer feel comfortable having sex, be open and honest with your partner and talk it through with them. Just remember that you don’t have to do something just because you feel pressured to. Choosing not to have sex is perfectly fine.
Chomas, the choice is yours, always remember that, and only do what you feel comfortable with. If you have any questions, I’m here to listen. If you have practised secondary abstinence or want to practise it, share your experiences with me.
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