Relationship Status: It’s Complicated
Have you ever had, or been tempted to have, “It’s Complicated” as your Facebook relationship status? Before, it seemed like a weird status to have. What could be so complicated? You were either with someone or you weren’t, right Choma? These days, it seems more and more people find themselves in this situation. But what does it really mean for you and how do you manage it? Here are a few scenarios:
You’re seeing each other, but not really
This is one of the most common complicated relationship scenarios people find themselves in. It happens when the relationship is in an “undefined” phase. You started seeing each other for a few days or even weeks but you’re not really sure if you’re really together or not. The best thing to do here is just talk about it with the other person. It’s important that you’re both on the same page. After all, wouldn’t be easier for you to be comfortable with someone if you know where you stand?
You had a fight and you’re considering breaking up
Sometimes people go from “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated” because they’re on a break or are experiencing problems. If you’re in this situation, now is the best time for you to think about what it is that you want. While it’s not always easy, it’s important to consider whether you’re in the right relationship for you. Some relationships can put you at physical and emotional harm and at risk to your safety, for example; if the person is abusive physically and/or emotionally, pressures you into having sex, constantly brings you down, makes you feel low about yourself or doesn’t respect your boundaries.. A serious issue deserves serious consideration, so think about your own safety and self-respect Choma. If you’re unhappy (or in danger), it’s time to consider leaving that abusive relationship. For help with this Choma, read this article: Are you in an abusive relationship.
You’re in an on-again, off-again relationship
These situations actually happen a lot when people know they should break up but can’t let go of each other for one reason or another. It might be because you’re so used to being around the person, because you've been together for so long or because your family likes them for you. On-again, off-again relationships are not really healthy because they can be emotionally draining and can keep you from living your life. If you’ve outgrown your relationship or know that your partner is not healthy for you, consider cutting ties permanently. If it’s hard to break up because your partner won't leave you alone, here’s advice: Breaking up with someone who refuses to break up.
One of you is more invested than the other
You might not even be in a relationship with this person, it might just be a “situationship”; where you like someone and they're not sure about their feelings for you or vice versa. Relationships, at the end of the day, are a choice Choma. No one should be pressured into getting into one. If someone is unsure about their feelings for you, or seems like they don’t have any feelings for you, you owe it to yourself to move on. It’s unfair for someone to expect you to wait for them to like you back. Put yourself first and be with someone who is honest and sure about wanting to be with you. And if you don’t like someone, don't get into a relationship with them. It’s okay to say ‘No’ to something you don't want Choma.
You’re with someone who is with someone else
This is a really complicated one because it can get messy. When there are more than two people involved in a relationship and it’s based on lies and sneaking around, someone is bound to get hurt. You should consider whether it’s actually worth being with someone who can’t commit to one person - not you or the other person they're seeing. Healthy relationships are based on trust and honesty. If you’re having sex with this person, you’re also putting yourself at risk of contracting Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) because they have multiple partners. Here’s more advice on this one Choma: Dating Someone Who's Dating Someone Else
You’re in a long distance relationship
For some people, long distance relationships are manageable and for others they can be really hard. Dating someone in another city or even another country can put a lot of strain on a relationship. If it’s getting too difficult for you Choma, it might be time to discuss it with your partner, weigh up the pros and cons and make a decision together. For a bit of perspective, here is an article Choma: The Pros and Cons of Long Distance Relationships
You’re dating someone you shouldn’t be dating
Apart from dating someone who is dating someone else, this could refer to you dating a teacher, your boss, a ‘sugar daddy’, a married person, a bad boy or anyone else that you know you is unhealthy to be with. Some complications are not worth the trouble Choma. Remember, protect yourself emotionally. Choose healthy relationships over unhealthy ones.
When it comes to most of these, you might consider breaking up as the best option. Yes, breakups are hard, but sometimes they are worth it. Eventually you will realise that you did what was best for you. It’s like going to the dentist to get your tooth removed. It will be scary and it will probably be painful. It will hurt for a while but once it heals, you’ll feel much better.
Sometimes you’re better off taking your relationship status to either “In a healthy relationship” or “Single and okay with it”. Don’t settle for less than you deserve.
Are you in a ‘complicated relationship’ and need advice? Remember that you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657)
Did you find this article helpful? Yes No