Should I Leave or Should I Stay?
Sometimes you could find yourself in a relationship that feels very ‘average’. Or maybe your relationship started out good but then you became less interested than you were before. But now you’re in two minds about leaving because, while the relationship is not that good, it’s also not THAT bad. Have you ever been in this situation Choma?
Here are a few signs that you might actually be in a relationship that has gotten ‘stale’:
You don’t put in as much effort as you used to
You stop actually feeling like you want to do things with your partner and everything that you do do with them starts to feel like more of an effort. In other words, being with your partner feels like more of a chore and less of something you really enjoy doing.
Everything seems more important than your relationship
You prioritise everything above your relationship, even if those things that are not priorities. For example, you might offer to do something that you didn’t have to (like offer to help someone who could have easily gotten help from someone else) or find something else to do, just to avoid spending time with your partner.
You wonder if you’re with the right person
You constantly question whether you’re with the right person, even when things seem okay between the two of you.
You want to change your partner
You often think about how things would be different if you could just change one or two things about them - showing that you are not satisfied with your partner as they are.
You’re looking at other people
You find yourself admiring or wanting to be with people outside of your relationship. You might look at other people who you think could offer you more excitement or even more romance.
So if you do find yourself in this situation, Choma, why wouldn’t you leave the relationship? Well there could be several reasons, here are a few:
You don’t like the idea of being alone
You might be with the person because you don’t want to be single. Maybe you’re comfortable with the idea of being with them. Maybe you have been dating them for years and don’t know how to go back to being alone or are scared of going back to being alone.
You feel lucky to have them
Another reason could be because you feel like you are lucky to have them or because you think they are better than what you deserve. Maybe it’s everyone else who constantly tells you how good your partner is and how lucky you are to have them in your life.
You don’t think you can get anyone
You might feel like they are actually the only person who might want to be with you. Maybe you see the person as a self-esteem boost or someone you can emotionally depend on.
You feel guilty about dumping them
You might feel bad about letting them go because you’re afraid of hurting their feelings.
You’re afraid of starting over
If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time you might feel like it would be too much of an investment to let go of it at this point.
So with all these reasons Choma, the question is: Should you leave or should you stay? Think about the real reason why you’re still in the relationship. Is it because you really want things to work or is it because of one of the reasons I’ve given above? If the only reason you’re staying is because you don’t know how to leave, then maybe it’s time to leave.
Think about this: You really shouldn’t stay with someone just because you feel like you have to - it could be unfair to both of you. There is nothing wrong with taking some time out to be alone and appreciate yourself. What’s the point of being in a relationship when you’re unhappy or uncomfortable? Another thing Choma, if you’re with someone because you don’t feel good enough, remember that the only person who could truly boost your self-esteem is you. It might sound cliche but it’s easier to be in a healthy relationship with someone else after you’ve developed a healthy relationship with yourself.
Do you need more advice on relationships? Remember that you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657)
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