Equality in your relationship
It’s Friday night and you and bae are deciding what to do. You want to go for dinner, he wants to go watch a movie at home; you end up watching a movie. Maybe it’s not just about plans for the evening, but the fact that this seems to happen often. Do you ever feel like you’re not being heard in your relationship? Like your thoughts and feelings aren’t being considered? It’s time to get real about your relationship; are you being treated as an equal?
Signs your relationship is one-sided
- One partner makes all the decisions. They often decide where to go out, what to have for lunch and which friends to see.
- One partner’s needs are “more important”, meaning that it feels like one partner’s needs are always taking the main focus.
- One partner has all the fun. Does it feel like one partner is always happy and enjoying the relationship while the other one is sad or frustrated?
- One partner does all the work. Whether it’s working on the relationship, housework, or even sexually, is one partner always doing more than the other?
- One partner gives all the affection. It might often feel like one partner is always being affectionate, hugging, and kissing, while the other just takes it with no return.
What makes a healthy, equal relationship?
- Communication: This is probably one of the most important things in any relationship. Without good communication, you can’t grow in your relationship and learn what is, and is not acceptable to each other. If you feel that you are in an unequal situation, you need to speak up and let your partner know how you feel. Sometimes guys and girls see things differently, and what feels important to you, may seem like nothing to your partner. At the end of the day, we all think in our own way and it’s up to us to communicate clearly in order to help our partner to understand.
- Fairness: Equal relationships are about give and take. One day you may get your way, the next time it may be your partner’s. The important thing is to keep it fair and to acknowledge each other’s needs and feelings, and this is where communication comes in. Couples need to understand compromise and know when to give in to their partner’s needs. But, if you feel like you’re the one doing all the compromising, you need to speak up ASAP.
- Honesty: I know sometimes we keep quiet because we’re afraid of hurting our partners’ feelings, but holding it in can lead to feelings of bitterness and resentment which can poison your relationship. You need to be honest with your partner and even more importantly, with yourself. If things don’t feel right, talk about it.
- Mutual respect and support: Do you both truly listen to each other? Respecting your partner is a vital part in any relationship, as is providing support when they need it, through the good times and the bad.
- Trust: You need to also be able to trust each other. Trust that the needs they communicate are true, that they’re not playing games with you, or manipulating you. You need to trust each other to also have separate lives and friends as well, it’s healthy to do some things apart.
A good relationship is an equal relationship Choma. Your needs, wants, and rights within your relationship are just as important as your partners. If you feel like this not the case in your relationship, it might be time to sit your partner down and let them know you want equality.
Do you need more advice on relationships? Remember that you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657)
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