Can you protect yourself from heartbreak?
Whether you met your partner yesterday or have been with him or her for more than three years, the last thing you want is the relationship ending in heartbreak. But is there a way to actually protect yourself from heartbreak?
Don’t rush into things
You’ve probably heard this a lot Choma. But what does rushing into things actually mean? What’s the right way for a relationship to progress? Well, there isn’t any set time for anything in relationships (that usually comes down to how two people feel about each other) but if you get to a point where you start to feel like things are moving too fast, then they are probably moving too fast. There are definitely things that you need to be wary of in the beginning of a relationship and moving too fast (like moving in together or getting engaged before you actually know the person) could lead to things not going quite as you expected. This is not to say that heartbreak is guaranteed if you and your partner move fast, all this means is that it’s better to make sure you know the person well before making any big commitments to them.
Don’t lose yourself in the relationship
We all do it Choma, you get into a relationship with someone and suddenly they're all you can think about. You can’t get enough of them and want to be around them any opportunity you get. This means you spend less time with family and friends. This is something that a lot of people do in the beginning of the relationship but it’s important to go back to having your own life and not letting your partner be your whole life. Still make time for your family and friends. Also make time for your own goals, hobbies and interests. A relationship falling apart can be even more devastating when you’ve dedicated all your time to your partner and left no room for yourself, your true friends and the things you enjoy.
Have realistic expectations
When we are attracted to someone, we tend to put them on a pedestal. This is especially in the beginning stages of a relationship Choma, where your judgement will get a bit skewed and you’ll only focus on the good things about your partner. Or even if there are bad things you’ll think that your partner will one day change (and that you will be the person to change them). It’s important to focus on what’s real about your relationship. Like, what does your partner want from it and what do you want from it? If you want different things, can you perhaps compromise? If you can’t compromise then you should be honest with yourself about the relationship and how you want it to move forward. For example, if your partner doesn’t want anything serious and you do, will pursuing the relationship just lead to heartbreak in the end? These are the kind of things you need to be real with yourself about.
Have open conversations
Don’t keep quiet about the things that upset you in your relationship. It’s understandable why you would want to tell your friends about the issues in your relationship because they help you put things in perspective and help you deal with them. But are you really solving issues if you’re talking to your friends and not your partner? It’s important to work through things with the person that you’re in a relationship with. This is not to say that you can’t seek advice from friends (having a support structure is very important) but don’t just leave it at that. Speak to your partner when you’re upset. Communication is everything. Let them know what you like and what you don’t. Remember, you’re as much a part of the relationship as your partner is so your needs, as much as theirs, should be met.
If you’re looking to your partner to make you happy, to make your life more interesting or to help you love yourself more, then you’re putting yourself at risk of getting your heart broken. What happens if they can’t make you happier than you are right now? Won’t that make things feel worse? Or what if they feel like you’re putting too much pressure on them to make you happy and decide to leave? Won’t that lead to heartbreak? You have it in you to love yourself, you don't need anyone to complete you Choma. You’re already a complete person and you have your own unique personality, goals and dreams, and friends and family. You’ll only be happier with someone else once you’re happy with yourself and work on yourself.
So will all of these things prevent you from experiencing heartbreak? To be honest, not necessarily Choma. The only way to have a happy relationship is to open your heart up to love and yes Choma, even potential heartbreak. You can’t predict the future so you don’t know what you’ll eventually experience with someone down the line. However, these things are definitely a good way to somehow deal with whatever life and romance throws at you. When you understand how important you are and how worthy you are of love, heartbreak doesn’t break you. So don't be afraid to love and care for someone else, but always, ALWAYS make sure that you love and care for yourself first.
Remember, I have a whole section focused on giving you all sorts of relationship advice, but you can also send me a message to talk to me about anything. So if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).
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