Is Your Relationship Stressing You Out?
Choma, do you feel like your relationship is draining you physically & emotionally? Yes, there will be times when you will have to put in some effort to make sure your relationship works - but if your relationship is starting to feel like too much effort Choma, then it could be because your relationship gives you more stress and anxiety than it should. Understanding whether you’re feeling more stressed out than fulfilled in your relationship means taking a step back and being more aware of your actual feelings when you’re around your partner. Here are a few signs that your relationship has started to stress you out.
You can’t talk to them about serious issues
The more you think about talking to them about a serious topic, the more anxious you get. It could be because you’re thinking that your partner will react negatively to any of the serious issues you bring up. Remember that communication in any relationship is extremely important. If you can’t talk to your partner about things just because you’re afraid they will react badly, then is your relationship really healthy? However, if you’ve never actually spoken to your partner and are just assuming they would react badly, why not just try speaking to them? You might be surprised by how understanding they are. Worrying about these issues without actually speaking to them will just stress you out more.
You worry about being apart
When you’re not with your partner you feel anxious about what they’re doing and who they’re with. You’re constantly distracted by how much time needs to pass until you see them - counting down the hours and minutes. In the beginning of a relationship, this might be the excitement and the butterflies you have in your stomach. But constantly being distracted by the idea of your partner to a point where you can’t work or study can be quite unhealthy. In times when you can’t get your mind off your partner it’s best to try and focus on yourself. For example you can log out of your social media, take a walk outside, do more of the things you enjoy, write down the goals you have for yourself and do a bit of research on how you can achieve them - or just spend more time with your friends and family. Being in a healthy relationship means being able to spend a healthy amount of time apart. Constantly obsessing about your partner will only bring your more stress.
You worry about being together
Do you find that you actually don’t want to spend time with your partner Choma? Does the thought of being with your partner make you anxious for some reason or another? If you’re in this situation you might find that you’re uncomfortable when you realise you have to spend a long time with them and feel excited or relieved when you know they’ll be gone for a long time. If you constantly feel like this then it’s time to be real with yourself about how you really feel about your partner. If it’s a little thing about them that you just can’t stand, try talking to them. They might be willing to compromise. If it’s something that you know can’t be changed - like feeling like your partner is dangerous or that you don’t want to be with them - then consider ending the relationship.
If you’re in an abusive relationship, don’t be silent about it. Read this article for advise and steps to get help: Getting out of an abusive relationship.
You worry about the relationship all the time
You’re constantly thinking about the status of your relationship and your partner’s state of mine. Do they really love you? Why are they the being distant? Can you stay together for a long time? Are you good enough for them? If these are the questions that run through your mind all the time then it’s a sure sign that you’re stressed out by your relationship. Worrying about the relationship in general could be because of a number of things. For example:
It could be because your partner is distant and seems to push you away the more you try to get close to them
It could be because you’re not sure what you would do without your partner and so the thought of losing them makes you extremely stressed
It could be because your partner is too critical of you and so you never feel good enough
All of these are not healthy for your relationship at all Choma. If you're preoccupied with the thought of your relationship failing for one reason or another, then you might need to think about the reason why you're with the person in the first place and if your relationship is actually fulfilling or not.
Choma, while all relationships include ups and downs and some degree of stress and worry, a relationship that constantly makes you feel anxious is not healthy. The stress you feel over your relationship can negatively affect your life because it might affect your ability to properly concentrate on school, work, family or friends. It could also lead to you doing things you’re not comfortable with to please your partner or to maintain the relationship.
If you think your relationship is stressing you out and you need advice, send me a message on Ask Choma and we can chat about it. I can also advise you on where to get further help depending on your situation
You can also send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).
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