When you’re no longer in love with your partner
Have you ever been in a situation where the feelings you once had for your partner start to fade away? You loved them for months or years but suddenly you’re not sure how you feel anymore? As heartbreaking as it can be, it is possible to fall out of love with someone. How should you deal with it? Here’s a bit of advice.
First, what are the signs?
These are a few signs that you may have fallen out of love with your partner:
- There's no attraction - you’re not feeling physically attracted to your partner anymore
- You’re more annoyed with their habits - what you thought was cute before is now annoying
- The spark is gone - you don’t feel like there’s chemistry between you and you no longer feel the butterflies in your stomach
- You see them more as a friend - you don’t see them as someone you want to be romantic with, but more as someone you can just hang out with
- Your eyes are starting to wonder - you’re more attracted to other people
What should you do when you’re in that situation?
The first thing you should do is ask yourself why you really feel this way. Falling out of love is not necessarily a matter of waking up in the morning and suddenly feeling differently.
Sometimes it’s a process that can start long before you actually realise that you’ve fallen out of love with your partner. For example, you might start to realise that you don’t actually share the same values or start to notice certain behaviour in your partner that you’re just not comfortable with. It could also be realising, over time, that your partner is not the person you actually envision a future with because you’re growing differently as people.
On the other hand you might be in a situation where falling out of love is not actually falling out of love but rather feeling fear. Maybe your relationship with your partner is starting to feel too serious and not ‘fun’ anymore - so the seriousness of it scares you. Relationships all change and evolve over time and the longer you are with someone, or the more serious you two become, the more effort the relationship requires. This is because you and your partner start to get to know each other more and you stop being as careful around each other as you were when you started dating - you now get to know the real person, with all their differences, habits and flaws. At this point a lot of couples either grow closer together or grow apart.
So when you start to feel like you’re growing out of love with your partner - start with why, and ask yourself if it’s any of the reasons above. If you really feel like your partner is not right for you, then it might be time to end the relationship. If you’re just becoming scared that the relationship is moving too fast or becoming too serious, speak to your partner about it. Communicating your fears and concerns to them might help make you feel better and feel more prepared to work on the relationship. Just remember that at the end of the day, you need to be happy and feel fulfilled in your relationship. Do what is truly best for you Choma.
For more on this relationship topic, read:
If you need more advice on this topic, let me know in the comments below. Or, for a more private conversation, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).
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