The thought of getting into a relationship can be exciting, but the reality of it is more than just getting butterflies in your stomach or wearing matching outfits with bae. You need to be mentally ready to contribute to a healthy relationship where both you and your partner can grow. Here are 4 questions to ask yourself before you start dating.

Can I set my boundaries?

Every healthy relationship (romantic or otherwise) requires boundaries. These are needs and rules that are important for you to feel respected and safe in a relationship.  Being able to set your boundaries means that you are able to communicate what you can and can’t tolerate clearly to the next person. For example, if you require personal space, then you need to be able to communicate this to your potential partner and others. Ask them about their boundaries too, so that you are aware of what they can and can’t take to ensure that you and potential bae are clear about what lines not to cross.

Do I truly love myself?

It’s important to invest in yourself and grow to love the person you’re becoming. It can be really hard to show someone else love and even accept the parts that make them imperfect, when you’re not able to do the same for yourself.

When you don’t cultivate self-love, you run the risk of being overly dependent on your partner, which often leads to heartbreak. If your answer to this question is no, rather take time to  show yourself love before trying to get into a relationship. Fully loving yourself will allow you to enjoy your relationship and set the standard as to how your partner should treat you.

Why do I want to be in a relationship?

Getting into a relationship for the wrong reasons can create a toxic environment for you and your partner. Asking yourself this question can help you determine whether or not you’re ready to be in a relationship. Wanting a relationship because your friends are all in one is not a good reason, neither is being lonely.

Your reasons for going into a relationship should not be selfish, Instead, they should be motivated by the desire to share intimate and special moments with someone who shares the same or similar desires.

Can I be sexually responsible?

If you’re planning on being sexually active, you need to make sure that you prioritise your sexual health. This will help you reduce the risk of being infected with STIs like HIV or experiencing unplanned pregnancy. Remember to always use a condom when you have sex and consider getting a  contraceptive method that works for you.

Having a good relationship with yourself before choosing to love someone else is really important for your happiness. We can’t have fulfilling relationships with other people if we are not happy with ourselves first, which is why you need to ask yourself these questions before getting into a relationship.

Remember if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).