Dating can be fun and exciting, but it can be tricky to find the right person for you – someone who will add value to your life, who will love and respect you while you do the same for them. When looking for a partner, it’s crucial to know what to look out for so that you don’t end up dating someone who is not good for you. Here are the four types of guys I think you should try to avoid.

The controlling guy

This type of guy can come across as romantic and caring at first. They may want to know your every move, and might even go as far as suggesting how you should dress, or act. They make it sound like they have your best interest at heart in the beginning, but after a while they can become abusive. 

The best way to spot this guy is by paying close attention to how they treat you from the very beginning. Trying to isolate you from your friends, making you feel like you need to ask for permission to do certain things and trying to mould your behaviour and appearance are usually the first red flags. If you notice these things, then it might be time to get out of the relationship.

The self-centred guy

From a distance this person seems charming as they may be outspoken and confident. After a while you’ll realise that you don’t really have say and they are only interested in their own needs. They want to talk about themselves, may come across as very inconsiderate and they say some really insensitive things.

A healthy relationship benefits both partners, so it’s important to spot this kind of personality early on and talk to them about it. Unfortunately, they may not change their behaviour, which means that you’ll have to accept this and go your separate ways. It’s way better to be single than to be in a relationship where you are treated as though you don’t matter.

The inconsistent guy

You can’t trust or rely on this type of person. They are usually full of stories and excuses and often break their promises. They may also disappear every now and then, and come back with a long story about where they’ve been and they can get really defensive when questioned or called out on something.

It’s pretty easy to spot an inconsistent guy because he will probably disappear on you a couple of times and say that it’s not a big deal. It is a big deal, Choma – you deserve someone who is reliable and honest with you. Don’t settle for someone who is only around when it’s convenient for them.

The dishonest guy

Dishonesty is never a good thing, in any kind of relationship. Dishonest people can be secretive, manipulative and they will lie to get what they want. While there may be some qualities in this type of person, it’s important to remember that someone who is dishonest about small things can lie about the big things too.

If your partner lies to you a lot, they are more likely to also cheat, which puts you both at risk of contracting STIs and HIV. A healthy relationship is built on trust and respect and someone who doesn’t tell you the truth, doesn’t respect you and can’t be trusted.

Relationships can be complicated when you are not with the right person. The characteristics I have described don’t just belong to guys, people of any gender can behave like this in a relationship and the other person should definitely not tolerate it. If you feel like you’re with someone who has any of these traits, remember that you deserve better and it’s never too late to get out. You can also reach out to me if you need advice.

If you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657)