On 16 December, we celebrate a very special holiday in South Africa, the Day of Reconciliation. This special day was originally honoured in SA for two reasons: to commemorate the Battle of Blood River and the founding of Umkhonto we Sizwe (MK). After the end of Apartheid era, the government dedicated this day for reconciliation for the people of our country.

There are ways you can incorporate this spirit into your own life. Do you have a friend you are no longer friends with, would you like to fix that? Now could be the perfect time to do just that. The reality is that friendships do sometimes end or fall apart.

Sometimes people just away from each other and other times it’s a bit more drastic. Maybe you had a big argument and haven’t spoken in months, or even years? Whatever the case, there’s hope to fix things and rebuild your friendship if that’s something you both really want it. So where do you start?

Assess the situation, what went wrong?

Before you start, take a moment to think about what happened. Try assess the situation without emotion, you won’t be able to fix things if you’re still bitter about what happened. Face your feelings and get ready to move on from them before you make the next step.

Make the first move, leave your ego at the door

It doesn’t matter who was in the wrong, if you really want to fix things, you need to let go of that and make the first move. Very often, people are too afraid to make the first move and while they wait for the other person to do it, it never happens. Forget your ego, make the first move. If you’re not ready for a phone-call, send a message, keep it short and sweet and invite them out to talk things over.

Be mature, apologise

Remember, it takes two to create any situation. Even if your friend was at fault, the chances are you had your part to play. Be the bigger person and apologise. Avoid raising your voice or losing your temper. Remain calm.

Let them talk, get their side of the story

For this to work, you will need to let your friend have their say. Listen carefully and wait your turn to respond. You may be surprised to learn how they’re feeling or why.

Give them time

This is probably the most important step. People need time to process things. One of the worst things you can do is assume things will go straight back to where they were before you fell out; don’t rush it. Take time to process what was said and take your time to rebuild your friendship and rediscover the things you love about each other.