Relationships are a mutual agreement between two people to intentionally love, respect and support each other. At times, one partner may feel like they own/belong to the other person, forgetting that their partner still has the right (and freedom) to their own individuality and independence. Here’s a ‘Bill of Rights’ each relationship should follow.

The right to privacy

Privacy in a relationship means that you’re able to trust your partner fully and respect whatever they feel you should know about them no matter how limited the information is. Being open with your partner doesn’t mean you should share every single thought, dream, or fear, including phone password. Setting boundaries and respecting each other’s privacy is key to any healthy relationship but remember Choma, there’s a difference between privacy and secrecy.

The right to express yourself

The truth is, you can save yourself from a lot of trouble by learning to express yourself better. It’s important to not leave any negative feelings unspoken and speak up when something makes you uncomfortable. Keeping silent to avoid conflicts or being afraid of what your partner thinks is never a good choice.

The right to sexual boundaries

Sexual boundaries refer to your expectations around physical and emotional intimacy. These include;

• The right to be asked for consent every single time and have your answer respected, regardless of how long you have been in a relationship.
• The right to withdraw consent at any point during sexual activity. Most people assume that you can’t withdraw consent once you have given it. Remember Choma, you are allowed to change your mind. A loving partner will respect your decision.
• The right to be free of owing any sexual activity to your partner. Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you owe your partner any sexual intimacy if you’re not comfortable. You have the right to choose when you’re ready for sex.

The right to leave the relationship

You have the right to leave the relationship if it’s no longer fulfilling to you. You may feel pressured to stay because you don’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings, or because of the amount of time that you’ve already invested in a relationship, or you may even feel trapped. You have the right to leave any situation you are not comfortable with. For those in abusive relationships, leaving can be more challenging but, there are ways you can get out of this abusive relationship.

Healthy relationships require work and effort and at times you will find yourself in positions where you might need to compromise, but compromise doesn’t equal control, disrespect or ownership. For any relationship to be healthy, both partners need to practice these ‘Bill of Rights’. No matter how long you have been in a relationship with someone, you still have the right to your privacy, your body and a separate life outside of your relationship.

Remember, if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send a Facebook message or a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657)