The first time you get into a romantic relationship can feel quite awesome and scary all at once.

It’s awesome because there is someone in your life whom you can share special moments together with, like eating ice-cream while holding hands. You might feel nervous because you simply cannot imagine that there is actually someone out there wanting to spend time with you and you don’t want to ruin this beautiful relationship.

When you both meet, you never want to let that moment end. This person makes you feel very good about yourself and you in turn want to make sure that you don’t disappoint this person. You never want that feeling to leave you – ever!  

Warning Signs

Normally, going out with your friends to watch a movie should not cause anyone to become angry. However, a partner becoming upset with you because you spend time with friends and family is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.  If you find yourself feeling like you need to attend to your partners every need or respond to every message/call just to stay out of trouble, then you are probably in an unhealthy relationship.

But this is only one example chomas. An unhealthy relationship can be evident in other ways.

Here are other warning signs:

• Criticising you
• Telling you how to dress
• Trying to control where you go, who you see and what you do
• Being moody all the time
• Making you feel anxious or nervous
• Not telling you anything positive about yourself
• Verbal and physical abuse
• Forcing you to do something you are not comfortable doing

Do I need to get out of this relationship? What if they are crying for help?

Chomas, if your behaviour has negatively changed, for example you have stopped socialising with your friends, you hardly smile or you don’t talk to your parents as often as you used to, then you should rather be focusing on helping yourself.

I understand it’s hard to leave someone you care deeply for, but you need to focus on yourself first and getting back to your usual, old self, if you care deeply about helping this person.  

How can I get out of the relationship?

Talk to someone you trust. Someone else, apart from just you and your partner, should know about your relationship because they will be able to see things in a different and more helpful way.

It is especially important for you tell someone if you feel like leaving will put you in danger (or if this person is dangerous). Tell this trusted person why you think you are in an unhealthy relationship and have a safety plan, one that includes you not making any contact with this person. You are beautiful chomas, you deserve to be in a fun and healthy relationship. Remember choma, you can ask me anything!