Choma, have you ever been in a situation where you really care about someone and always seem to find yourself drawn to them even when deep down you know that the relationship isn’t healthy? Or maybe you’re in that situation now, where you just can’t seem to let go of the person that everyone around you thinks you shouldn’t be with. You could just be in a toxic relationship choma – one that you’re addicted to.

What is a toxic relationship?

First of all, let’s talk about what a toxic relationship is. Some people might be in one and not even be aware because they can sometimes be hard to recognise at first. A toxic relationship is an unhealthy relationship. It involves more bad than good, more downs than ups and more hurt than happiness.

In a toxic relationship you would feel like you’re constantly criticised by partner, like you’re not good enough or like you keep getting things wrong. In a toxic relationship it would feel like you argue more than talk or that you’re always having to defend yourself. You would spend a lot of time thinking about ways to make your partner happy, including thinking about what you need to change about yourself in order to keep them happy.

Toxic relationships can really make you feel down and make you feel like relationships are hard work. Toxic relationships only make it seem like relationships are hard work because you’re constantly trying to make someone else happy. Healthy relationships are not like this choma. Healthy relationships bring out the best in you and make life feel a bit better instead of worse.

What would make me stay in a toxic relationship?

You’re probably wondering: if a toxic relationship is so bad why are they so hard to leave? There are a few reasons for this choma.

One reason could be that you don’t even know that you’re in a toxic relationship. You might think that the way your partner treats you is normal – maybe because you’ve seen others being treated this way or maybe because you’ve been treated this way so many times before. Just remember this choma, for any situation: if you’re in a situation where you are afraid to be yourself, where you feel constantly hurt and put down or where you’re always questioning your own worth then that situation is not a healthy one.

To find out if your relationship makes you feel better or worse, you can read this article choma.

Another reason why people are addicted to toxic relationships is because they are addicted to the bit of goodness that comes out of it. This may not be the case with you choma, but it is the case of some. Think about any addiction such as drugs or alcohol. People take it for the brief moment of pleasure and might only think about the consequences afterwards when they feel down again. Just because you get a brief pleasure from something doesn’t mean that it’s good for you. In a toxic relationship your partner might spend a lot of time bringing you down and then one day do something really nice for you that makes you feel like you should forgive everything else. Or you might spend a lot of time trying to make your partner happy and then the one day that you finally do makes it all feel all worth it. This can trick you into staying.  

The truth is choma, toxic relationships are really not worth the trouble and hurt that they put you through. You might argue that your partner is very nice to you when they’re not being hurtful but that’s not how healthy relationships work. Just because someone is nice to you, they are not entitled to abuse you. If you’re wondering whether it’s time to leave your relationship, read more on it here.

Remember that you deserve to be treated well and with respect at all times. You deserve to be with someone whose love and care doesn’t come with harmful terms and conditions.

If you need more advice, don’t hesitate to Ask Choma.