Sometimes it is hard to tell whether a relationship is good or bad. Maybe because when it’s good, it’s oh so good! But when it’s bad, it’s really really bad…

Being in an abusive relationship can really affect how you feel about yourself. It can even affect how you function on a day-to-day basis and affect those around you. So this is for all you ladies who are in a relationship but are finding it hard to tell whether you should leave or not. Remember, abuse isn’t always a physical thing, it could be verbal, mental AND emotional. Here are signs that your relationship isn’t very healthy and could actually be abusive:

He moves way too fast

He pressures you by saying things like “I love you” way early in the relationship to get you to do things that you know you’re not ready for.

Purposely making you feel uncomfortable

Sometimes your guy annoys you and you think it’s cute. But if he does things that he knows will make you very upset, just to get a reaction out of you, then he could just be provoking you for his own satisfaction.

He is possessive

It might feel nice when a guy is overprotective or shows a bit of jealousy. This can become unhealthy when he does this constantly to the point where he makes it hard for you to do anything or speak to anyone because it seems like he is trying to control everything you do.

He’s always shifting the blame

It’s never his fault, ever. He always blames his actions on something – his parents, his teachers, the government, his friends and even you. Even when he does something bad, he blames someone else for ‘making’ him do it.

He makes you feel bad about yourself

He constantly swears at you or criticises you. He doesn’t seem to respect your opinion and it seems like things always have to be done his way. When you guys have an argument he brings up personal things you shared with him and makes you feel bad about it.

He shoves you around

He is a bit forceful with you, whether you’re arguing or ‘playing’. He might tell you that you’re being a baby or that you’re oversensitive if you ask him to stop. He may even hit you or physically hurt you.

Listen choma, no matter who you are in a relationship with, you should not settle for being unhappy. A relationship where you feel bad about yourself is a definite no no. I know that it seems really hard to get out of a relationship, especially when you feel like you love the person very much, but staying in an abusive relationship is really dangerous.

If you’re a victim of abuse (any form of abuse), one way to heal from it is to actually get help.

Don’t take threats of abuse lightly. If your life is in danger, contact the South African Police Services (10111)

You can also contact:

POWA (People Opposing Women Abuse): 011 642 4345/6

Stop Gender Violence helpline: 0800-150-150

Childline South Africa: 08000 55 555

LifeLine South Africa: 0861-322-322

If you still have questions about emotional abuse, remember that you can also send me a message on Ask Choma.