Have a better relationship with your mom
Do you feel like your mom just doesn't get you? Like you can't talk to her about anything serious - especially boys, sex and matters of the heart? Perhaps she's too strict, over-protective and cramping your style - big time.
Choma's, we've all been there. Young women fighting with their mamas is an emotional growing pain that comes with the territory of growing up.
The good news is, it won't always be this way. The big change comes the moment you realise your mama is human, which can come as quite a shock. She was once your age, she makes mistakes too and more often than not - just wants the best for you.
Here are some ways you can improve your relationship with woman you call 'mama' (whomever that may be) and still be you.
- Show respect. Treat your mama the way you want to be treated - with love and respect. If you want her to listen to you, then it doesn't hurt to listen to her.
- Talk about everyday stuff Talk about what happened at school, the weather, the neighbour’s dog or ask your mom how her day was. Talking about simple, everyday things will help you get to know and feel connected to each other’s lives. It also makes it easier when you need to talk about important things.
- Tackle the big stuff Discussing important issues in your life with your mom can be intimidating not to mention awkward. Firstly, you need to decide what you want out of the conversation, so you can plan what to say. Maybe you just need her to hear you out, give permission, offer advice or help you to do the right thing. Start by saying something like, “Mama, I need to tell you what’s troubling me. Please can you listen, ok?” or “Mama, I want to go out with my friends. Please can I talk to you about it?” Let her know that it is scary or even embarrassing to talk about and that it may even disappoint her but you need her to hear you out.
- Talk so she will listen Pick the right time to have a “difficult” conversation. Don’t do it if your mom’s busy or distracted. Make sure you are clear and direct in what you have to say. Be honest – it doesn’t help to lie. If you want more time and freedom with your friends, how is she supposed to trust you if you lie about where you are going or what you’ll be doing. Try and understand your mom’s point of view and don’t whine and argue to get your way. If you want to be taken seriously, you need to show a level of maturity. Accepting a “no” may earn you a “yes” the next time.
- Connect with your mama Try spending more time with your mom. Get involved in things she likes. Help her bake, watch her favourite soapie with her or help her with chores. Doing something special for your mom doesn’t have to just for Mother’s Day. It is the little gestures that will go a long way in building a better relationship with your mom.
- Compromise Not getting your own way can sting. Although negotiating a compromise with your mama might not get you exactly what you want, it will go a long way to earning her trust. If you want to go out with your chomas until 12 on Friday night but mama says ‘hell no’, try for 10pm and promise to keep in touch.
Don't let screaming matches and tears define your relationship with your mama. You can make it better. It may not happen over night but trust us chomas, your relationship with your mama may be the most important one you ever have and it will get better.
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