Are Your Sexpectations Healthy?
Your sexpectations, i.e. your views on sex and what you expect sex to be like, can be influenced by many things Choma. It could be influenced by the things you watch on TV, the things you search for online, your parents’ views on sex or from the conversations that you have with friends. It’s never a bad idea to seek information that will help you know better, but the wrong information can actually cause you to make unhealthy decisions. So what do you think Choma, are your sexpectations healthy?
Sexual Education outside of school
You’ve probably learned about sexual education in school, but there are some questions that you might not have felt comfortable asking in front of others so you’re most likely to Google it or ask your friends.
There is a world of information on the internet which makes it so easy to find an answer to whatever question you ask, but just because you find it on the internet, doesn’t mean that it’s true. You should be careful of the websites you visit when looking for information. Sex sites for example, with porn or erotica (such as stories or drawings that have to do with sex) are often misleading in the way they portray sex.
Porn often contains scenes of people not using protection during sex, sexual dominance of women, violence, lack of consent and models with surgically enhanced bodies. It hardly compares to sex in real life Choma. Porn can also be addictive if you watch too much of it, negatively affecting your ability to be intimate with a partner in real life.
Sometimes friends pressure each other into being more experienced when it comes to sex. What then happens is because your friends feel pressured to be experienced, they might lie about their sexual encounters. So when you ask them a question, you risk getting false information. Also, if your friends are only having sex because of peer pressure and not necessarily because they’re ready, it’s quite likely Choma that their sexpectations are actually unhealthy.
Just remember that the right time to have sex is when you feel physically and emotionally ready. That could be years from now and that’s perfectly fine.
Sex Myths that give you unhealthy Sexpectations
Myth: You don’t have to ask for consent
In the movies, there doesn’t seem to be much of a conversation before sex. The two people might always seem ‘ready’ to have sex or one person initiates it and the other gives in. There also doesn't seem to be a conversation about what the two people are comfortable with during sex, which means that one person usually does what they want to the other person.
This is not how healthy sex works in real life Choma. You need to make sure that the person you’re about to have sex with is ready, and that you are ready. Also don’t just assume that the person you’re having sex with is okay with anything that you want to do. If you’re not sure, ask.
Read more about consent here Choma.
Myth: Bodies should be perfect
Everyone that you meet will have different types of bodies. This means different breasts, butts, penises and yes, even vulvas/vaginas. There is no standard when it comes to bodies and genital sizes Chomas and this is perfectly normal. Remember Choma, your body is perfect the way it is.
Myth: People want sex all the time
This myth is particularly popular for men. A lot of what we see on TV shows that guys are the ones always looking for sex and have sex on their minds 24/7. Having this view can actually have a negative impact on you because if a guy doesn’t want to have sex you might assume that there’s something wrong with you. People don’t want sex all the time and this should never be assumed. Get to know someone, understand what it is they want and respect them when they don’t feel like having sex. Again Choma, consent is everything.
Myth: You need to be a ‘freak’
This is also a dangerous myth Choma because it puts a lot of pressure on you to do things you’re not necessarily comfortable with. You might hear it in music, see it on TV or even hear you friends talk about it, saying that you need to perform ‘special acts’ in order to keep your partner satisfied. When having sex with someone, it is as much about you as it is about them. Never remove yourself from the equation and assume that all you need to do is satisfy your partner. If you’re not comfortable then it’s definitely not worth it.
Some of the best sources of information about sex are:
Your healthcare provider
They are usually trained to answer your questions so don’t be afraid to ask.
Your sexual education teacher
This is their job Choma so they are experts at answering questions around sex.
If your parents are open to talking to you honestly and openly about sex, then don’t be afraid to approach them. Just don’t push the issue if they’re not comfortable with it Choma.
Websites like Choma are all about helping you make the best decisions when it comes to your sexual health. You’ll know you’ve found a good source for information on sex if you’re encouraged to make healthy decisions that you’re comfortable with.
Remember Choma, if you have ANY questions about sex, safe sex or relationships, don’t hesitate to ask me.
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