Breaking up with someone is hard as it is. It becomes even worse when the person you’re trying to break up with refuses to accept it. It doesn’t matter what you’re breaking up over, whether it’’s because you’ve lost interest or because the other person’s behaviour made it difficult for you to be in a relationship with them, no one has the right to say “It’s not over until I say it’s over.”

They might react with crying and begging or they may react with threats and even violence. Regardless chomas, forcing you to stay in a relationship that you don’t want to be in is manipulation and can be seen as abuse.

While breaking away from an unhealthy relationship is hard, it is necessary for you own wellbeing. So if you’re ready to breakup with someone who might be too possessive or who you feel is an unhealthy partner for you, here are a few tips.

1. Stay calm and firm

Once you’re sure that breaking up with someone is the healthy thing to do, remain firm about your decision. If you really want out, don’t give in to the person’s threats or sudden bursts of emotion. Try to express yourself in a clear way so that the other person knows that you are serious.

2. Get support from a trusted friend or family member

This is especially necessary if you think that the person might be dangerous. If they are, try not to be alone with them. If you have anything that you need to collect from the person for some reason, go with a friend or family member. They might be less likely to harass you if you have someone there. Having a trusted friend or family member is also good because you will need someone to talk to and possibly get advice from.

3. Get support from an adult/authority figure/Support group

If your partner or ex is someone who has shown violent behaviour in the past or seems to be harassing you, it might be time to get the authorities in. A trusted adult or authority figure in your life might be better equipped to handle the situation. Otherwise you can get help or support from support groups and authority such as:

POWA (People Opposing Women Abuse):

Telephone: 011 642 4345/6

Lifeline:

Telephone: 011 715 2000

SAPS (South African Police Service):

Head Office: 012 393 1000

4. Cut ties

If the person constantly tries to make contact with you, try not responding to them. By constantly being available to them, taking all their calls and responding to all their messages, you give them an opportunity to try and change your mind. If things get really bad and the person threatens to hurt you or if they start to follow you around, get a protection order against them. This order prevents someone from speaking to you or approaching you if you don’t want them to. You can get a protection order from the magistrate’s court.

A relationship is something you should never be forced into. At the end of the day you should do what you think is best for you.