At some stage we all deal with a competitive choma. Or maybe you are the competitive choma! To a certain degree, competition is healthy. But it can get too much when you’re competing for everything – boys, grades, sports teams, friends and fashion. Here’s how to deal!

Let’s start by saying that girls are very good at being competitive and it doesn’t end when you get older. Some people are just naturally competitive. But for others, it comes from being insecure. If you feel the need to ‘one up’ your chomas or if you struggle to be happy for them when they experience success, you could be the competitive friend. Many women feel like this at some point in their lives. And it’s only gotten worse with things like Facebook, which can feel like a never ending competition on who has the best life/friends/selfies.

If you’re the competitive one …

Your choma gets new braids so you do too. She joins the netball team and the two of you compete for Captain. Perhaps you’ve seen her flirting with Thulani, so you take any opportunity to share a laugh with him. Stop that choma! Real friends are happy for each other. Give your choma her moment to shine. Yours will come. Just because she does well at something doesn’t make you any less amazing. Find something you are truly passionate about and give it your all because you love it, not just because you don’t want her to be better than you. It’s normal to feel a bit jealous from time to time. It’s an ugly feeling that can make you do mean things. Don’t let it get the best of you choma. Speak to your friend if you’re feeling left behind.

If your choma is competitive with you …

Does it sometimes feel like your choma is trying to outdo you? Does she brag when she gets better grades than you? Maybe she copies your outfits, flirts with your crush and glosses over your achievements … Yoh choma, it’s annoying. But before you tear her head off, remember a few things. Firstly, it’s flattering she wants to be like you. Secondly, she’s probably insecure about herself and feels that if you are winning, she must be losing. You could ignore your competitive choma and hope she grows out of it. But if it’s seriously buggin’ you, try to talk to her about it. Let her know how you feel. Reassure that she is an amazing, beautiful person and you wouldn’t be friends with her otherwise.