When you are in a relationship with someone, especially one where you have intense feelings for someone, it can be difficult when they start behaving in a way that you think is not ok.

If you don’t address this behaviour soon, there is a chance that it will get out of hand and possibly lead to dangerous outcomes, such as someone being physically abused.

Find out if you are in an unhealthy relationship or not by answering yes or no to the following questions:

How are you treating your partner?

1. I discuss and decide with my partner on what we both need do in a situation equally.
2. I don’t get upset when my partner spends time with his friends and family.
3. I stop myself from looking through his phone whenever he is not around.
4. I feel that what my partner has to say is important, and this shows through my actions.
5. When there is a disagreement with my partner, we are able to discuss our problems calmly and find a solution together.
6. I find it alright to keep certain things from my partner. I don’t feel like I have to tell everything to my partner, especially if those things don’t affect my partner and/or the relationship?
7. When I’m upset with my partner, I don’t try to punish him by not hugging, touching or kissing him. I don’t think I need to punish him.
8. I trust him.
9. We have similar goals and dreams.

If most of your answers are “yes” then you have a healthy relationship with your partner. You are able to treat him like a person and you are able to give him his own space to be an independent person. You are able to be your own person while being in the relationship with this person.

How is he treating you?

1. My partner is not open to discussing and deciding what we both need together – equally.
2. My partner gets upset when I spend time with my friends and family members. 
3. My partner has cheated on me and/or accused me of cheating. 
4. I have caught him snooping through my phone on more than one occasion. 
5. My partner does not value what I say or feel and does not feel that my views are important. 
6. My partner keeps telling me that he needs to “fix” me by telling me to change the clothes I wear. 
7. My partner keeps certain information from me as he feels I do not need to know everything about him. 
8. My partner sometimes forces me to have sex/become intimate with him even when I do not feel like it. 
9. Our relationship is based on being physical with each other. We hardly talk to each, neither do we share the same views on the world.

If most of your answers are “yes” then you are in an unhealthy and possibly abusive relationship. You will need to reconsider whether this relationship is helping you develop into the bright and beautiful young woman you are.

If having a relationship with someone means that you must hide parts of who you are then surely your relationship is not one that helps you grow? You deserve to be in a healthy relationship where support, love, honesty and respect is shown by both partners.