It’s normal to have a lot of questions about sex when you’re deciding to have it for the first time. Although you might feel shy about it, there’s absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about, Choma. It’s important to know that you can ask these questions because knowing more ensures that your first time is safe and comfortable.

Firstly, there’s no timeline on sex and it doesn’t matter when your first time is. It could be when you’re married, it could be in a year or two from now or it could be tomorrow. What matters most is that you feel ready to have sex and that you know enough about it before you have it. Don’t simply rush into it, Choma, because the right time for sex never expires. So with that in mind, here are other things to note before your first time.

Know you and your partner’s status

There’s no shame in getting tested for HIV, Choma. The more sexually active you become the more regular HIV testing should become a part of your lifestyle. Even though you’ve never had sex, getting tested now will show you how quick and easy it is. You could get tested with the partner you’re going to have sex with. This way you would both know your status. 

Carry your own condoms

Condoms are an essential part of sex. The purpose of a condom is to protect you from Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) and to avoid unwanted pregnancy. Even though it is your first time having sex, keep in mind that you can get STIs or fall pregnant just as easily as anyone who has sex regularly. It’s also important to always carry your own condoms, Choma. Don’t rely on your partner to carry protection because it’s not only their responsibility to ensure that you have safe sex, it’s yours too. Condoms come in different colours, sizes, flavours and even types. There’s the male condom and the female condom (which is a great option, especially if you or your partner might be allergic to latex). You should also learn how to use a condom properly, Choma, to avoid being exposed to STIs and to prevent the condom from tearing or breaking.

Learn about other contraceptives

There are other contraceptives that you can use that are a great way to prevent pregnancy, whether you’re having sex once in a while or regularly. So learn more about your contraception options, including the morning after pill – which is an emergency pill you would take to prevent pregnancy if you didn’t use protection. Remember, these contraceptives don’t prevent STIs so, always make sure you also use a condom.

Communication is key. Don’t leave your sexual experience up to your sexual partner – meaning don’t simply do what your partner says you should do, Choma. Sex is about two-way communication and both you and your sexual partner need to be comfortable. You’re allowed to say no at any time, even during sex. Don’t just think about pleasing your partner. Your first time is not supposed to feel uncomfortable. With a bit of preparation, a lot of knowledge and a sexual partner you’re comfortable with, your first sexual experience should be a positive experience.

Remember if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).