Crushes can either lead to beautiful, long-term relationships, but they can also fail. Perhaps your crush has feelings for someone else, is already in a relationship, or ghosted you because they aren’t that into you. Here’s how to get over a crush,

Accept your feelings

Before you can begin getting over your crush, you have to admit it. It’s common to deny romantic feelings at first, especially if you’re crushing on a good friend or anyone you consider out of reach. Acknowledgement and acceptance are important first steps in the healing process. Crushes are normal, even ones on people you know you’d never pursue.

Grieve the loss of what you hoped for

A crush that doesn’t go anywhere shares similarities with rejection and one-sided love. However temporary a crush might be, it involves real feelings and real pain. Take the time to sit with these feelings. You may need more time to come to terms with the rejection or perception of rejection.

Stay off social media

It’s OK to admit it. It’s tempting to spend hours looking at your crush’s recent photos or see if they’re dating anyone. But once they turn you down or you decide not to pursue them, it’s best to stop checking up on them from all social media platforms.

You don’t need to take permanent action, such as blocking them, but it can help to unfollow them and avoid things like,

• checking for new posts or comments.
• snooping for relationship status updates.
• posting things designed to attract their attention.

Staying digitally connected to a crush through Facebook or Instagram can, accordingly, worsen feelings of sadness about missing out on a life with them.

While you’re at it, remind yourself that social media posts are often edited, idealized snapshots and not accurate portrayals of daily life.

Do things you enjoy

Spending time on activities you enjoy won’t eliminate your romantic feelings, but it usually helps increase self-love and confidence. Try to spend time with family and friends doing hobbies you enjoy. This can help improve your mood and overall well-being. It’s easy to fall into patterns of thinking that suggest you’re incomplete without love or a relationship. But it’s possible to be content, even happy, without a partner.

A failed crush has nothing to do with your worthiness or who you are as a person. Sometimes, it’s just as simple as incompatibility with the person you fall for. Realising there’s no chance of a relationship doesn’t always prevent a crush, or help you get over one. What can help is time. It may not seem like it right now, but before long, your feelings likely won’t feel so intense. They might even fade completely.

You absolutely don’t have to give up on finding love or rush into it. Working on becoming your best self and regularly doing things you enjoy can help you live a rewarding life until you find someone who’s right for you.

If you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send a Facebook message or a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).