Have you ever heard someone say “I just really want to have a baby” or “I know if I have a baby with him it would bring us closer”? Or maybe you’ve felt that way recently. You may think you’re ready to have a baby, but what about the person that you’d like to have a baby with – are they ready?

Why having a child is a big deal

Having a baby because you think it would make someone fall in love with you or stay with you is not a good enough reason to have a baby, Choma. Children are a big responsibility so the decision to have one should not be taken lightly.

Falling pregnant just to save a relationship could actually cause more heartbreak in the long run. When a girl or woman falls pregnant, she has the right to do what she wants with her body. So her pregnancy is ultimately her choice. But once she has the baby, her partner does have the right to be a part of that child’s life.

Why you shouldn’t force bae to be a daddy

If a guy feels “forced” into parenthood, there’s a chance that he could actually become resentful and this could result in the relationship being even worse than before. This is not an ideal situation to raise a baby in. There’s also the risk of the guy refusing to be a part of the child’s life entirely, forcing the child to grow up without a father.

On the other hand, what if the father does stay and is a part of the child’s life, but is not a good father to the child? This could affect the child in the long run.

Remember Choma, once a child is in the picture, it’s no longer just about you and the person you’re having a baby with. Making sure that you make decisions that will be good for the child is very important, and knowing whether someone is ready to be a father forms part of those decisions.

If your relationship is not going well with a baby out of the picture, there’s no guarantee that it will be better with a baby. The baby could end up being your sole responsibility making life difficult for both you and your child.

Why it’s important for both of you to be ready

Children deserve to be raised in healthy environments by parents who are financially and emotionally ready to raise them. Always consider the fact that the baby you intend to have is not an object, but an actual human being.

If you’re still growing and figuring life out, it’s probably best to have a baby when you’re more mature and sure that you’re with the right person who you can raise a baby with.

What you can do in the meantime

Instead of having a baby with someone who isn’t invested in you or your relationship, focus on building relationships that are good for you.

And until you’re sure that you’re with someone you can build a family with, remember to protect yourself and use contraceptives. Using condoms and other contraceptives such as “the pill” is a good way to prevent unplanned pregnancies.

Condoms also protect you from contracting HIV and STIs so remember to stay protected.

Remember if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).