Being in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean that they are entitled to your body and to sex with you. You should always feel safe enough to refuse to have sex with your partner or ask them to stop during sex if you aren’t in the mood any more. Here’s what sexual coercion looks like in a relationship.

What does sexual coercion look like in a relationship?

Being pressured into having sex is often subtle and not very aggressive. Partners will manipulate you into believing that they’re entitled to having sex with you because you’re in a relationship with them. Your views on the sexual part of your relationship is not respected. You may feel bad for refusing sex or refusing to have unprotected sex because your partner will either accuse you of cheating and/or threaten to leave you for other girls.

While sexual coercion looks different from relationship to relationship, most people who are pressured by their partners to have sex tend to feel like they don’t have a say in their sexual lives and usually feel uncomfortable and unhappy.

What to do when you’re feeling pressured to have sex

Revisit your beliefs about sex – A lot of people believe that being in a relationship means that sex has to happen and that it’s meant to please the man. However, this is not true and you have the right to a healthy, happy sex life where you aren’t manipulated or talked into having sex. It’s also important to note that you have the right to stop at any point – even if you’re already undressed or within the act of sex. You can stop because it’s your body and if your partner chooses to continue without your consent, it is considered rape.

Know your sexual reproductive health rights – Remember that you have rights in your relationship. You definitely have the right to refuse sex and also insist on using a condom every time you have sex. Learn about your rights when It comes to sex. It’s your body and what you say goes. Your partner should always ask for consent first, and they should respect your choice to have sex or not.

Don’t be afraid to walk away – Don’t be afraid to speak up. Tell your partner about your true feelings about them pressuring you into have sex and don’t be afraid to walk away from the relationship. Sexual boundaries are extremely important in a healthy relationship and if your partner doesn’t respect yours, then it’s not worth staying in a relationship with them.

Whether your relationship is new or you’ve been dating your partner for a while, sex should be consensual all the time. You shouldn’t feel cornered into having sex when you don’t want to and a person who loves you will understand when you want to wait before having sex. They’ll respect your body and your decisions.

Remember if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).