Are you caught between a rock and a hard place, wondering if you should get back with your ex or not? I know the answer to this question is not easy but it’s important to take some time to consider your decision so you don’t have to worry about going through the same issues that made you and your ex part ways in the first place. To help make your decision process easier, I’ve come up with a few questions you need to ask yourself before you take your ex back.  

What was the reason for the break-up?

This is the most important question because it puts everything that has happened into perspective. Was it something you did or was it them? Was it something that happened over time, like them disrespecting, abusing or cheating on you? If you broke up because of something they constantly did – the chances of it happening again are higher than if it was just a once-off instance that you could recover from. Remember, things like serial cheating or any form of abuse are serious red flags and you seriously consider whether this relationship would be healthy for you.  

Do you miss the idea of being in a relationship?

After a break-up, it is normal to miss your ex especially if you guys were together for a long time. It is important, though, to figure out if you’re not considering getting back with your ex only because you are feeling lonely (due to being single).  

Are you holding on to the past? 

The memories we create with our loved ones always play a role in how we view our past relationships. If the memories with your ex were mostly good, it would make a lot of sense that you would want to hold on to them, and probably get back with them. Don’t only think about the good times though – especially if the bad times outweigh them.

What would make this time different?

Before you can answer this question for yourself, you might have to meet with your ex and talk about what would be done differently this time around. It may not be the easiest conversation to have because there’s a chance that they might not be honest with you, but you need to know that you won’t be getting yourself into the same situation you walked out of. 

Letting go of the past is not easy, and I understand if you are scared of starting over with someone else but you need to remember that sometimes things don’t work out for a reason, and trying over and over to fix something broken could only hurt you in the end.

So ask yourself, is the relationship with your ex worth it? If you have answered these questions (honestly) and feel that it is worth trying again, then go for it. But if you are still not sure about the answers, then maybe it might not be worth it.

Remember, if you or a friend need advice or help, don’t hesitate to contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).