Rape: Why it’s not your fault

The Truth About Rape: It’s Never Your Fault

Growing up, girls are often told to be cautious when they go out: Don’t walk alone, don’t dress in a way that invites harassment, cover your body, don’t drink too much alcohol or at all, don’t talk to strangers, and so on. Unfortunately, in a world where these precautions are taught, victims of sexual violence often end up being blamed for their assault.

But here’s the truth: No matter the circumstances, rape is NEVER your fault.

If you have ever been sexually harassed or violated, please understand this: You are not to blame. No matter where you were, who you were with, or what you were wearing.

The Problem: Victim-Blaming and the “Don’t Rape” Message

When a rape occurs, it’s common to hear questions like, “Where were you?” “Who were you with?” or “What were you wearing?” These questions are not only insensitive but reinforce harmful victim-blaming culture.

What’s even more troubling is that society often promotes the message “Don’t get raped,” rather than the essential message: “Don’t rape.” The responsibility should never be on the victim to prevent rape. It is solely the responsibility of the perpetrator.

There is no excuse for rape. No matter how drunk or undressed you are, no one has the right to violate you.

Even if the perpetrator was your friend, partner, or someone you were intimate with before, if you didn’t give consent, it is rape.

Consent is Key: Sex Without Consent is Rape

Rape can happen to anyone, regardless of their sexuality. Being gay or lesbian does not invite assault or harassment. No one—male or female—deserves to be raped.

Rapists may try to manipulate victims, saying things like: “The way you were acting made me think you wanted it,” “You enjoyed it,” or “You shouldn’t have seduced me.” These tactics aim to shift the blame onto the victim and silence them with feelings of guilt or shame.

Remember: Consent is key. Sex without consent is rape. And rape is never the victim’s fault.

If You’ve Been Affected, You Are Not Alone

If you’ve been sexually assaulted or abused, know that you are not alone, and what happened to you is not your fault. Don’t remain silent. Speak out, and seek support.

Contact Support Services for Rape Victims:

• POWA (People Opposing Women Abuse)
  Phone: 011 642 4345 / 011 642 4346

• Stop Gender Abuse
  Phone: 0800 150 150 (Toll-Free)

• LifeLine
  Phone: 0800 055 555 (Toll-Free)

• Health4Women
  Website: www.health4women.co.za
  Phone: 011 581 5000
  Email: info@health4women.co.za

For confidential support or to continue this conversation, feel free to visit our Ask Choma page.