It’s Not Your Fault: Understanding Consent and Sexual Violence

Growing up, whether you’re a boy or a girl, girls are often told:

• Don’t walk alone.
• Don’t wear “revealing” clothes.
• Don’t drink too much alcohol—or don’t drink at all.
• Don’t talk to strangers.

But what happens when a girl is sexually harassed or raped?
Instead of focusing on the rapist, society often asks:

• Where were you?
• Who were you with?
• What were you wearing?

These questions can make survivors feel guilty, ashamed, and angry at themselves. If you have ever been sexually harassed or violated, please remember: IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. The blame lies solely with the person who hurt you.

Why Do We Say “Don’t Get Raped” Instead of “Don’t Rape”?

It’s unfortunate that society puts the responsibility of staying safe on girls and women instead of teaching everyone:
“Don’t rape.”

No matter the situation:

• How drunk or sober you were.
• How many people you’ve been with before.
• What you were wearing.
• Whether you were walking alone at night.

Rape is NEVER the victim’s fault.

Consent Matters

Even if:

• The person was your friend, ex, or current partner.
• You had been intimate before.
• You are LGBTQIA+ and someone tries to “correct” your sexuality.

Sex without consent is RAPE. And the only person responsible for it is the rapist.

Common Myths About Rape

Some rapists may try to manipulate their victims by saying things like:

• “You were behaving like you wanted it.”
• “You enjoyed it.”
• “You seduced me.”

These statements are lies meant to shift the blame. But remember:

• Sex without consent is always rape.
• The person who committed the act is 100% responsible.
• You are 0% to blame.

Speak Up: You Are Not Alone

If you have been sexually attacked or abused:

• Don’t stay silent.
• Don’t feel guilty or ashamed.
• Seek help and support.

Here are some useful contact numbers for rape survivors:

Support Organizations

• POWA (People Opposing Women Abuse)
  📞 011 642 4345/6

• Stop Gender Abuse (Toll-Free)
  📞 0800 150 150

• LifeLine (Toll-Free)
  📞 0800 055 555

• Health4Women
  🌐 www.health4women.co.za
  📞 011 581 5000
  ✉️ info@health4women.co.za

Need to Talk?

If you need more information or a private conversation, visit the Ask Choma page for support.