Chomas, so you have met someone and you seem to have fallen for this person – hard, but he’s never introduced you to anyone…not even his friends? Worst of all, your friends have heard you talk about him but have only seen him being posted once on your Instagram profile.

Your friends begin asking you questions that make you realise that maybe you are not the only person he’s dating. Then, one Sunday you go through his tweets and one of them makes your heart sink.

It reads: “Happy bday to this beautiful girl. You’re one in a million and you are close to my heart. Love you babe.”

Your birthday is was in January, so who did he wish a happy birthday to? Who was this “beautiful girl”?

You confront him the following day during a ‘date’ in another small place you don’t know very well, and he hesitantly tells you that both of you have just been friends. Then it all starts to make sense because there were certain signs that showed that you were the ‘side dish’.

Here they are:

They try to keep you away from their place

Whether they live alone or with their family, someone not wanting you to see their place could be a red flag. Of course, when you start dating someone you don’t have to go to their place but when someone tries to make sure you don’t go anywhere near where someone knows them well it could mean they’re hiding something.

You mostly see him during the weekend

You never hear from him during the week, then on Friday you are his ‘Weekend Special’. His reason is his work or school keeps him very busy during the week and he cannot find the time to socialise during the week.

He only compliments you on the way you look

Women and girls love to get compliments now and again when it comes to their physical appearance, but we wouldn’t mind being told we’re geniuses too, right? If he only compliments you on the shape of your body, chances are he is just interested in having sex with you and is not interested in getting to know the full YOU.

You have never met any of his family or friends

So you have been ‘dating’ for a while and you have not yet met his parents or any of his friends?, He’s either not told anyone about you because he is not serious about you, or there is already someone in his life his friends have already met.

He only texts you back after hours or asks you to call him at specific times only

He doesn’t reply to your messages for what seems like hours and he has asked you to only contact him during certain hours of the day. His reasons are always due to him working so hard or socialising with his ‘boys’. Have you ever wondered if it’s because he has to spend time with his real girlfriend?

In an age where there are many relationship dynamics such as young women dating much older men or ‘sugar daddies’ who are possibly married or people being in relationships where only transactional sex takes place, we need to protect ourselves against HIV and STI transmission every time there is sex involved.

If you believe you have met the perfect guy but you realise that most things are not adding up, then stop and rethink the situation with this person.