Most people that are in a relationships like going the extra mile to keep their partners happy, which is fairly normal. But keeping your partner happy doesn’t mean that you have to lose yourself, give up your freedom, or allow your partner to do as they please with you – especially when it comes to sex. Here are just a few rights you have when you’re in a relationship.

The right to say NO!

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that your partner is entitled to sex all the time- even when you don’t want to. Your partner shouldn’t just assume that you have consented to sex simply by being in the relationship. You are still your own person and your sexual pleasure is still your own decision. Saying no to sex is absolutely fine, and your partner should respect that and not take advantage of the relationship status. Sex without consent is rape, even in a relationship.

The right to safe sex

A lot of young couples think it’s okay to stop using condoms when the relationship gets serious or reaches certain milestones, but safe sex is important, regardless of your relationship status. If your partner refuses to use condoms, you have every right to refuse having sex with them. No matter what their excuses are, your health comes first. Them not using a condom means that they are willingly putting you at risk of a sexually transmitted infection and of an unplanned pregnancy. And just think about it Choma, if they are refusing to have sex with a condom with you, who else have they refused to use a condom with?

Also remember that your partner agreeing to use a condom and then taking the condom off during sex is not only wrong but it’s also illegal and is a form of sexual assault.

For more advice on condom negotiation, read this article: How to speak to your partner about condoms. 

The right to planned parenthood

Your partner cannot force you into becoming a parent by tricking you or forcing you into pregnancy. If you’re sexually active, taking birth control gives you more control over your future and allows you to plan when you will become a parent. A partner not allowing you to take birth control is wrong. If you become pregnant without a plan or without support, this could affect your future and no loving partner will put you at risk of that. For more information about reproductive, read here.

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you have to give your all to your partner. Relationships are a give and take but it is also about being able to maintain your freedom and your right to choose what is best for yourself. Anyone who chooses their own sexual pleasure over your comfort is not the person you should be with. Never let someone force you into doing anything you don’t want to do, especially when it comes to sex.  

If you need advice or help, remember that you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).