Stealthing What it is and why it’s sexual assault

What is Stealthing, Choma?

Stealthing is a deeply concerning act where someone removes a condom during sex without their partner’s consent. Imagine this: you and your partner agree to use a condom for protection. However, during sex, your partner secretly removes the condom, knowing that you wouldn’t agree to this if you knew.

This act has recently gained attention, as more people are speaking up about it, but it’s not new. It’s often normalized by men who believe it’s their “right” to have unprotected sex, prioritizing their pleasure or personal desires over their partner’s safety and consent.

Why Is Stealthing Harmful?

1. Violation of Consent
   Stealthing is a clear violation of your bodily autonomy and your consent. Consent isn’t a one-time agreement—it must be given for every sexual act. For example:

   • Saying “yes” to kissing doesn’t mean “yes” to sex.
   • Agreeing to vaginal sex doesn’t mean agreeing to anal sex.
   • Agreeing to use a condom doesn’t mean agreeing to unprotected sex.

   Any sexual activity without consent is sexual assault, Choma.

2. Health and Safety Risks

   • STIs and HIV: Stealthing exposes you to sexually transmitted infections, including HIV.
   • Unwanted Pregnancy: It puts you at risk of an unplanned pregnancy, violating your sexual and reproductive rights.

3. Emotional and Psychological Impact
   Survivors of stealthing often experience trauma similar to victims of other forms of sexual assault. It’s a serious violation of trust and bodily integrity.

Is Stealthing Illegal?

Yes, stealthing can be considered a crime. In some cases, it has been classified as rape. For instance, a recent court ruling found a man guilty of rape after he removed a condom without his partner’s consent. She only realized afterward and reported him.

This sets a precedent that removing a condom without consent is not just unethical—it’s illegal. Survivors of stealthing have every right to report this violation.

What Can You Do if You’ve Experienced Stealthing?

If you’ve been a victim of stealthing, it’s important to know that you’re not alone, and help is available. You can reach out to the following support organizations:

• Rape Crisis 24-hour Helpline: 021 447 9762
• POWA (People Opposing Women Abuse): 011 642 4345/6
• LifeLine South Africa: 0800 055 555 (Toll-Free)

Remember, Choma, you can also reach out to me on Ask Choma for advice or support. Send me a message via:

• Facebook Messenger
• Twitter DM
• WhatsApp: 071 172 3657