Tag: confidence

Tips On How To Build Your Self-Esteem

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Self-esteem is the opinion we have of ourselves. When you have healthy self-esteem, you tend to feel positive about life in general and this helps you tackle anything life throws at you with grace. When your self-esteem is low, you may tend to be critical and feel negative about yourself.

How does low self-esteem affect you?

If you have low self-esteem or confidence, you may hide away from social situations, avoid trying new things and challenging yourself. Living with low self-esteem can harm your mental health or make you feel unworthy. Others may develop unhealthy habits like smoking and drinking too much, as a way of coping.

Things you can do to build your self-esteem:

  • Get to know yourself

Get to know what makes you happy and what you value in life. You can also write this in your journal if you have one.

  • Be kind to yourself

Try challenging unkind thoughts about yourself that might automatically put you down.

  • Say positive things to yourself

You may do this in front of a mirror, at first it might be uncomfortable but as you do it regularly, it will become more effortless.

  • Practise saying no

Being assertive can be difficult if you’re not used to it. Agreeing to too many things to please others can drain you. It’s okay to say no at times. Don’t feel bad about it.

  • Avoid comparing yourself to others

Social media can play a huge role in making you compare yourself to how others are and what they are doing. Remember, you’re running your own race.

  • Do something nice for yourself

Make your favourite meal or take yourself out.

  • Celebrate your successes

Take time to praise yourself for anything you have accomplished, no matter how little it may seem.

  • Accept compliments

You could save them up to look over when you’re feeling low or doubtful of yourself.

  • Write a list of things you like about yourself

For example, this could be a skill that you’ve learnt or something you do to help other people.

Try to build relationships with people who appreciate and bring out the best in you and avoid people who constantly bring you down.

Remember you may not quickly move from low self-esteem to high self-esteem overnight, but you can make improvements day by day with just a little self-love and appreciation.

If you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, an  Instagram message, a  Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).

6 ways to feel more empowered

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Empowerment is that moment you step into yourself, and you feel like you can do anything. It’s about taking action each day towards feeling more confident in yourself and doing things that take you one step closer to achieving your goals. Here are 6 ways to feel more empowered.

Stand up for yourself

Stand up for yourself and the things you believe in. When you feel strongly about something, it’s okay to speak out about it. Feel empowered and courageous to have a voice and share your thoughts.

Embrace your talents and interests

Reading, writing and learning new things are some of the ways that you can empower yourself. Embracing what we love without feeling guilty or inadequate is one of the most empowering things we can do for ourselves. Accepting and embracing our talents and interests helps us to be better at all we do.

Be inspired by other empowered women

Following, listening or being mentored by other empowered females, is another way to make you feel more empowered. Being inspired by other women who are game changers, gives us the courage to be empowered and take up space.

Engage in discussions about female empowerment

Every day, women are engaging in important conversations about what it means to be a woman in the world today. You can engage in these conversations by sharing inspiring stories both online and offline, organizing a movement, and creating viral hashtags to raise awareness about issues faced by women today. Don’t be afraid to engage in these conversations, Choma.

Encourage and uplift others

Empower others around you by lifting them up and listening to them. When you compete, you create division, hatred, jealousy, and anger; none of which help you build long-standing relationships.

Goal setting

We all know that setting goals is important, There are many benefits and advantages to having a set of goals to work towards. Setting goals helps guide you focus and sustain that drive in life. Here’s how you can stick to your goals.

The more we work together and support each other, the more empowered we feel. Taking control of your own sense of empowerment gives you the choice of what you believe about yourself, what actions you’ll take and the kind of person you want to be.

Remember, if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send a Facebook message or a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).

5 ways to boost your confidence

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Confidence is believing in your own capabilities without needing constant reassurance from others. When you’re confident, you are clear about your boundaries and have a good sense of self-worth. If your confidence has taken a knock and needs a boost, here are 5 simple tips.

Positive self-talk

We all have internal conversations with ourselves and whether we like to admit it or not, we can be pretty harsh towards ourselves. This is not healthy, Choma, and if you want to become more confident, you’re going to have to start being careful about how you speak to yourself. Be kinder to yourself and make it a point to practice positive affirmations on a daily basis.

Practice confidence daily

People don’t just become confident over night, it’s something we need to practice. Think about what it would be like to be more confident and then make a daily effort to behave that way. You could also take on a new challenge, like public speaking or debating, which will require you to put yourself out there and help you become more confident in your abilities.

Be around people who are for you

Be around people who support and love you as you are. People who are truly for you will motivate you, celebrate you, and hold you accountable when necessary. Being around people who value you will definitely boost your confidence, sense of belonging and self-worth. Remember, this doesn’t mean that you should depend on other people for validation, you will always be responsible for validating yourself. However, it helps to have people who want the best for you around you so that they can remind you of your worth when you stumble.

Embrace failure

The truth is, we all fail at something at some point in our lives, and this can really affect the way we feel about ourselves. However, it’s important to remember that being confident doesn’t mean that you’re not afraid to fail. It means that you allow yourself to get scared, but you keep going anyway and if things don’t go your way, you’re able to make peace with that and try again.

Work on your skills

Figure out what you’re good at and work on that. Shifting your focus to the things you’re good at, will remind you that you have something to offer, which can really build your confidence and at the same time, harness your skills.

Sometimes it can be hard to believe in yourself, especially because the world has unrealistic expectations of how or what we should be. However, you can defy those expectations by loving yourself loudly and unapologetically. Remember, being confident is not about perfection. It’s all about being yourself without comparison or feeling like you’re lesser because of your unique traits. Confident people ask for help when they need it and are able to admit when they don’t know something or if they’re struggling.

Remember if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).

How to love your coils

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At first, it can be difficult to love your natural hair, especially if you don’t know how to maintain it. Taking care of natural hair doesn’t have to be a challenge, though. With proper hair care methods, you can show your coils some love and manage them without hassles.

L.O.C in the love

Part of showing your coils love is making sure that they’re well moisturised. The L.O.C method is the best way to achieve this, simply because it allows your hair to retain moisture for as long as possible. With the right products, your hair will feel the love. L.O.C your coils in three easy steps:

L is for Leave-in-conditioner – Get yourself a good leave-in conditioner that you can massage into your hair and scalp once a week, after washing. This ensures that your hair gets a lift and an extra layer of moisture.

O is for Oils – Oils like coconut, castor oil, and olive oil help your hair retain (lock in) moisture. Use a hair oil of your choice and follow it up with a rich moisturiser, to revive and seal in the moisture. You can get yourself coconut oil at any pharmacy or even at your grocery store.

C is for Creams – The last step is moisturising your hair with a creamy moisturiser. The harder it is for your hair to retain moisture, the thicker your moisturising cream will need to be. You can get yourself whipped shea butter cream for R79.90 from NativeChild, or you can make your own cream at home with shea butter and essential oils.

Get rid of harmful products

When buying products for your hair, you want to stay away from products with harmful ingredients and heavy chemicals. The more natural a product is, the less likely it is to harm your hair or scalp. It’s also a good idea to air dry your hair to prevent any heat damage.

Wear it with confidence

For a long time, coily and kinky hair were considered undesirable and unflattering, and it was almost impossible to find products and accessories to help you wear your hair with pride. Luckily, this has changed over time and we’re realising just how beautiful every texture of hair is. Whether you choose to style it in dreadlocks, braid, straighten or put it under a wig – it’s important to love your crown and what it represents. Don’t allow anyone else to make you feel less beautiful or unworthy because of your hair.

Hair is a huge part of our identity and how we want to come across in the world, which is why it’s important to feel comfortable and confident with your coils. Take care of it and wear it however you want it, with pride.

If you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).

Here’s how loving your body can improve your health

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Self-love includes accepting your body the way it is and not how you think it should be. Your body does so much for you, but for most people, it’s easy to lose sight of all the important and unique things your body does to keep you healthy and happy. Loving your body is a great way to build your confidence, but did you know that there are health benefits to it too? Check out how loving your body can improve your health.

You eat right

When you love your body you eat with intention and self-control, because you know that everything you put in your mouth can either be good or bad for you. For instance, you will choose to eat fresh fruit and vegetables instead of junk food because you know that healthy foods are better for your overall wellbeing.

Self-care takes priority

When you fall in love with your body, you think of ways to keep it as healthy as possible. For example, you start taking care of your skin and find ways to keep fit like getting exercise. When you love your body, you know that everything should be done in moderation and you listen to your body when it shows you that it’s taking strain and needs a break.

You become confident

Loving your body can have great benefits for your self-confidence. In other words, when you love your body, you focus on your strengths and positive qualities. This can be good for your mental health as it can improve how you think and feel about yourself.

You make better choices

When you love your body, you make better choices. You become more aware of how your decisions can affect your body and mind. For example, you replace risky behaviour (taking drugs and having unprotected sex) with healthier habits (better coping mechanisms and practicing safe sex all the time).

Loving your body is a choice, and it starts with being accepting of what you consider to be flaws. There’s no need to strive for perfection because it’s unrealistic. Instead, focus on being more positive about your body and making better decisions. With time, you will find that you are handling your body with love and care, and investing in your health.

If you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Face.book Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).

4 ways social media is affecting your confidence

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Social media platforms have grown popular in the past few years and they give you the opportunity to interact and connect with people from all over the world – at the comfort of your home. 

However, they can also give you the perception that everyone’s life is perfect, except yours, and that can cause your confidence to take a knock. But does it have to? Here are 4 ways that social media can affect your confidence.

Focusing on likes

Getting a lot of love on your pictures can make you feel good, but once you start focusing on the number of likes you get, it’s easy for you to feel like you’re not good enough. Checking your phone constantly increases anxiety and makes you obsess about whether people are liking what you’re posting or not.

If you notice yourself becoming obsessed with the number of likes or compliments your posts get, then maybe you should take some time off social media. The amount of ‘likes’ you get on a post don’t say anything about you as a person. You can get 1000 like and not have any of those people even know who you are – or 1 like and have many healthy relationships in your life. Don’t put too much weight on likes Choma. 

Trying to be flawless

Seeing how perfect your favourite celebrities or influencers are can make you feel bad about how you look, and that can affect your confidence. 

It’s important to remember that nobody is perfect – including your favourite celeb. So, instead of trying to look flawless, rather embrace who you are and love yourself as you are.

Unrealistic beauty standards

Social media has a tendency of promoting unrealistic beauty standards and it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you’re not as beautiful as everyone you see on your timeline.

Remember, photos can be edited so not everything you see is a reflection of reality. So don’t compare yourself to filters, photoshop and beauty apps. Love the mirror, forget the screen. 

Relying on other people’s validation

Social media allows you to express yourself by giving you the opportunity to share your thoughts and opinions with anyone who is willing to engage with you. Sometimes what you say or post won’t get a positive response and that can be really upsetting. However, it’s important to focus on what those around you think about you, and not what those online think about you.

There’s a lot that you can enjoy and learn on social media, but it’s also easy to become caught up in the ego-driven part of it. Remember to always stay true to yourself and don’t believe everything you see online, because life online is edited and people choose to show you only what they want you to see. 

Do you think social media has the power to affect your confidence? Leave a comment below and tell me your thoughts.

Remember, if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).

Choma Loves: 5 body positive quotes to boost your self-esteem

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Body positivity is all about unlearning the societal norm that certain body types are worth being praised, instead of acknowledging that all bodies are equally valuable. It’s also about understanding that each and every person is different and deserves to be comfortable in their bodies without feeling bad or judged. Here are 5 body positive quotes that will boost your self-esteem. 

“When life throws you curves, embrace them!” – Unknown

It doesn’t matter what your body looks like, and there’s no need to be ashamed of your curves. Instead, embrace and love your body as it is, because you only have one!

“Happiness isn’t size specific.” – Anna Guest-Jelley 

You are responsible for your own happiness and you shouldn’t base your happiness on what other people think about the size of your body. You are beautiful as you are. 

“There is no wrong way to have a body.” – Glenn Marla

At the end of the day, we are all human and we all have our flaws which is why you should know that there is no such thing as the perfect body – everyone is too different for such a thing to exist. However, there is such a thing as “perfect for you” so love yours as it is. 

“If you focus more on the inside, you feel just as great about the outside.” – Keke Palmer

Remember that it’s important for you to feel good about yourself from the inside so that you don’t have a problem with the outside. Read this article to help you build your body confidence. 

“Stop trying to fix your body. It was never broken.” – Eve Ensler

If you focus on loving yourself, just as you are at this moment – rather than worrying about your imperfections – then you won’t feel the need to “fix” your body.

Beauty is not standard Choma. There is no one way to be attractive, no matter what people say. At the end of the day, the most beautiful people are the ones who feel beautiful and embrace themselves regardless of what the outside world thinks. So no matter what you look like, the best thing you can do for yourself is be in love with who you are.

Remember, if you or a friend need help or advice, you can speak to me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).

Quiz: Is he confident or dominant?

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There’s a huge difference between men who are confident and those that are dominant. Dominant men are your typical cocky and kind of arrogant guys that believe the good guys always finish last. Did one pop up in your head? On the other hand, confident guys are sure of themselves but don’t put others down. Take this quick fun quiz to determine if the guy in your life is confident or dominant.

When you first met him what was he like?

  1. Very flirtatious and knew immediately where our relationship would go
  2. He showed interest in me but was respectful of how I felt
  3. Was too shy to speak to me at first

When you started dating what was he like?

  1. Very protective. He needed to be around me all the time to make sure I was safe.
  2. We spent a lot of time together but he also spent time doing his own thing.
  3. We would see each other mainly when I asked him.

Which of these describes him?

  1. He’s the centre of attention wherever he goes, even if it’s not always good
  2. He’s known and admired by his social circles
  3. He’s not very social.

Who makes most of the decisions on dates:

  1. He mainly decides where we go and whether we go out or not
  2. We take turns to decide and he doesn’t really mind where we go
  3. I usually decide, he doesn’t mind as long as I’m happy

When he meets your group of friends, does he:

  1. Acknowledge them but doesn’t make an effort to get to know them
  2. Acknowledge them and try to get to know them
  3. Make a huge effort to know all about all of them

If he says something to hurt your feelings how does he normally react?

  1. He refuses to acknowledge he was wrong and makes you feel bad instead
  2. Acknowledges that he is wrong and apologise.
  3. Feel bad about it and try by all means to make it up to you.

If you disagree with him on something, how does he react?

  1. Argues until I agree with him
  2. Acknowledges that we have different opinions but doesn’t force me to agree.
  3. He ends up agreeing with me

How does he mainly feel about the relationship?

  1. He makes me feel like I’m lucky to have him
  2. He makes me feel like we’re lucky to have each other
  3. He makes me feel like he’s lucky to have me

 

RESULTS

Now that you have answered the quiz, it is time to calculate your results. Simply count all your results to see if you answered mostly A, B or C.

MOSTLY A’s

Sounds like your guy is a bit more of a dominant than confident type. The difference between dominance and confidence is how you make those around you feel – a dominant guy will lift himself up while hurting others. A confident guy believes in himself but doesn’t believe he is better than anyone. Just because someone is bold and knows what they want, it doesn’t mean they are good for you – especially if they tell you what to do, where to go and who to see. For more advice read: 

4 ways your partner is controlling you

Your rights in a relationship

The 5 habits of a confident guy

MOSTLY B’s

He definitely sounds more confident than dominant. It looks like he respects you, your space and your relationship. A confident guy knows that he needs to spend time making the relationship work but he also understands that this doesn’t mean he should take you away from the things and people you love. He cares about what you think, what you like and how you feel and tries to respect that without letting you overpower him or feel overpowered by him. It’s important to be with a confident guy and not a dominating one because you’re more likely to maintain a healthy relationship with a confident guy. For more information on how to maintain your healthy relationship read:

Relationship goals everyone should work towards 

The importance of knowing your partners love language

What does a good relationship look like?

MOSTLY C’s

Seems like you’re dating a shy guy who isn’t very dominant nor very confident. Of course, it’s good to be with someone who doesn’t control you or make you feel inferior. But being with someone who you can control and dominate is not good. A healthy relationship is about fairness and equality. So it’s important to understand that and not take advantage of your partner but rather encourage good communication. To make sure that it’s not you who is dominating your partner, read:

5 Ways you may be disrespecting your partner’s boundaries

Small ways you’re mistreating your partner

Little ways to show your partner more appreciation

Remember, if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).

Speaking to your partner about insecurities

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Insecurities are those thoughts that we have about our flaws, the negative opinions we get from other people and from mentally replaying the mistakes we might have made. Being insecure while you’re in a relationship is not easy to deal with and it may affect your relationship.

It’s understandable if you feel like dealing with insecurity in a relationship is hard, especially if your partner doesn’t understand where it comes from or what you’re going through. The scariest realisation about insecurity is that all the frustrations caused by it could eventually lead to a break-up. But before it gets to that point, here’s how you can speak to your partner about insecurities:

Communicate

Honest communication is key in any relationship. Sometimes, factors like being afraid of losing your partner, a lot of people giving your partner attention because they find them attractive or feeling neglected can be the root of your insecurity.

When you’ve figured out what the cause of the insecurities are, talk to your partner about them and give them a few examples of the times that you felt insecure. Letting your partner know that you’re working on your insecurities is important because that will allow you both to come up with solutions that will work for the both of you.

Spend time with your own friends

Choma, I understand that you want to be with your partner all the time, but a common mistake that we make in relationships is assuming that our partner’s lives revolve around us, and vice versa. We have to accept that the people we are in relationships with have their own lives and that’s okay.

So, dress up and go spend time and have fun with your own friends. Encourage your partner to do the same because sometimes space is needed in relationships. Distance does make the heart grow fonder and it’s okay to miss each other.

Work on your confidence

You might be attractive and confident but being insecure can also affect you. A lack of confidence can affect your relationship negatively because you will always think that you are not good enough or worthy of your partner. The sad part is that you might end up convincing yourself this is true and eventually drive your partner away. Self-love is important, especially when you’re in a relationship.

You can read more about self-confidence tips here.

Insecurity will suck the happiness and confidence out of you Choma and you may feel like you are not worthy of being loved. Value yourself at all times and always know that you are worth all the love that you can get because you’re simply amazing.

Remember, if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).

Tips for a healthier mindset

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Choma do you feel like you need a healthier and more positive attitude towards life? Wanting to improve your attitude is a good thing because a healthy mind means a healthy body and a healthier life, since mental health and physical health basically go hand-in-hand. A positive attitude also changes the way that you see your situations, your relationships and yourself. So to get you started on living more positively and rocking the rest of your year with a healthy attitude, here are tips for a healthier mindset:

Accept and love yourself

I’m sure you’re not surprised to hear this advice choma because it’s so common. However, it is one of the most important pieces of advice because treating yourself well is the best thing that you can do for yourself and those around you. Many people struggle with a low self-esteem or self-worth and it could be because we often compare our lives to other people’s lives. No one has a perfect life choma and you shouldn’t try to be like anyone else. Instead, focus on being your best self and doing things that are not only good for you, but that make you happier. When you have a healthier relationship with yourself you tend to make better decisions and form better relationships.

Choose to be around positive people

The people that we spend a lot of time with can affect our moods and our attitudes. So if you want to have more of a positive attitude, surround yourself with more positive people. In fact, there’s even been research that having a group of positive friends as a teen can lower your chance of developing depression. Choose healthy friendships where you respect each other’s feelings, support each other, listen to each other and enjoy making positive memories together.

Talk about how you feel

Keeping your feelings bottled in is not healthy chomas. To maintain a healthy mindset you should consider expressing yourself. When something is bothering you, talk about it. Getting issues off your chest will not only make you feel better, it will also help you deal with a problem instead of letting it get bigger.

Focus on what you can control

Have you heard the saying “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, why worry?” This means that we should pay attention to the things that we have control over. Things you can control are things like your school grades, your habits and a lot of decisions about your future. Those are the type of things that you can focus on changing choma.

Learn from your mistakes

Another thing that can get you stuck in an unhealthy mindset is beating yourself up about things that have already happened. When it comes to dealing with your past and your past mistakes, one of the best things you can do is learn from them choma. The past is another thing that you can’t control so try not focus on it too much. Rather take lessons and experience from it so that you can move forward with a better perspective.

A healthy mindset starts from positivity. If you find it difficult to start doing these things choma, start slowly. Try to find at least one thing you can be positive about every day. Soon enough, you’ll have a healthier, more positive attitude.

Do you have anything you want to add about healthy mindsets? Share it in the comment section. If you’ve gone from having an unhealthy mindset to a heathy one, why not Share Your Story?