So I’m sure you’ve heard of the phrase “ride or die” before, but if you haven’t, it’s all about being in a relationship where you’re willing to do absolutely anything for your partner, even when it’s not the best choice. Highly committed relationships can be great but the idea of a “ride or die” can sometimes be toxic, and here’s why:

Unhealthy compromise

When you’re someone’s “ride or die” partner, they can expect you to sacrifice a lot of things you love, just to be with them. I’ve spoken before about how compromise in a relationship is necessary sometimes, but when you’re giving in to things that make you uncomfortable, this can be a bad thing. Some examples of unhealthy compromises are things like not using condoms during sex “as a sign of trust”, or if your partner wants to control who you can and can’t be friends with. In a ‘ride or die’ relationship it could mean being forced to leave your goals, friends, family and even hobbies behind in order to prioritise your partner’s needs (or in order to help them get through whatever bad situation they might have gotten into).

Your feelings might change

When you’re with someone you care about, it’s easy to think that a relationship can last forever because of those feelings. But the truth is that over time, our feelings can change, and that’s completely okay. A “ride or die” relationship can make you feel like you need to stay in a relationship that you’re not happy in anymore, but doing that will only make you really unhappy, especially because you feel you can’t be honest about your feelings.

Being with someone and supporting them through their challenges is not the same as being with someone with unhealthy habits and supporting them through their bad decisions. This is something that ‘ride or die’ relationships try to promote.  That’s why it’s always important to remember that no matter what your relationship status is, your feelings, your health and your needs should always come first. Having people who would do anything for you can feel great in the moment, especially if you feel the same way, but you need to remember to draw the line between what’s healthy and realistic; and what isn’t.

Here’s some help with creating healthy boundaries in your relationship.

You should also read:

Why do we love bad boys?

Is your partner a bad influence?

Remember, if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).