When it comes to learning about sex, most of us have received sex education from school through life orientation, but how many of us actually learn about sex through family members, particularly through our parents or other adults at home or through good friends? How many of us are open about sex with them or our closest friends? There are many things that determine our views on sex, from the way we view our bodies to the way other people talk about sex.

During puberty

When you have your first period, you may be slightly confused as to who to speak to first for help. Puberty, a time when your body physically changes like your breasts growing and having periods, is an important part of your life, Choma. How your family and friends approach it with you may influence your views on sex. You might have questions about hormones and pregnancy, because once you start your period, your body is ready to have a baby, but that definitely doesn’t mean that you’re ready to.

Being open about your body changes will make discussing sex a lot easier. You don’t just have to speak to your parents about puberty, you can also speak to a nurse or your sexual health teacher. Remember that there is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to your changing body or your curiosity about sex.

Being around friends and family

Do you get uncomfortable every time you approach the topic of sex with your close friends or relatives, like your siblings or cousins? Whether it’s asking about how a condom works or talking about the dangers of unsafe sex? Certain people that you hang around with will view sex differently.

For example, an older aunt might think it’s inappropriate to talk about sex, no matter how old you are, and might only believe in sex after marriage. While a younger cousin or friend might talk about sex all the time, even if they’re not very clued up. Depending on whose opinion you trust more, you might have a view on sex that is not exactly accurate. This is why it’s important to ask questions.

You might feel embarrassed at first but there are people you could ask who are specifically trained to answer questions about sex and sexual health, like a school nurse, varsity counsellor, healthcare worker or a community nurse.

You can also do research online, such as Choma Magazine, this way you can find out information without feeling worried about being judged.

If you can talk to your friends and family about sex, then do that too, it might help everyone form healthy opinions about sex, and this can lead to other topics, like learning how to reduce the spread of Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) such as the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) and also lesson the stigma on HIV. You can even suggest going for an HIV test.

Social media

Social media can have such a positive impact on our lives, and it can really educate us about sex as well. But with that said, it can also glorify sex so much and make it seem like something it’s not. My advice to you, Choma, would be for you not to allow social media to pressure you into having sex before you’re ready, or even using sex to make you “popular”. It’s not worth it.

The media

“Sex sells”. I’m pretty sure you’ve heard this phrase before. And although there may be some truth to this, there really is no need for you to jump on this band wagon. And like social media, the media, mainly television, makes sex look cool and can easily influence you into thinking that if you’re not having sex, you’re uncool. This is not true at all. Everyone has sex in their own time and for their own personal reasons.

Pornography

Porn makes sex look like so much fun, and when you’re going through puberty, your hormones are raging. When that happens, you’re most likely to turn to pornography, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But remember that porn is acting. So when you see them having unprotected sex and doing all sorts of things to each other, it doesn’t mean you have to do the same. And don’t get me wrong, Choma, experimenting is great and I encourage it. But you have to do it safely and responsibly.

Choma, at the end of the day your decision about your sexual behaviour is up to you and only you. No one else, including your friends or family members, can make those decisions for you. So it’s up to you to make healthy, responsible sexual choices, Choma.

Open communication about STIs, puberty, pregnancy and condoms between you and your loved ones helps you reduce the shame associated with sex.

It’s natural to have questions, especially about sex. Try to speak to a friend, peer, parent, older sibling, aunt or guidance counsellor at school or college/university to help answer your questions.

Remember that you can also contact me on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657) if you have any questions or if you need some advice.