You may have recently heard the word “blesser” used quite often chomas. A blesser, according to the definitions I’ve seen online, describes someone, usually an older man with a lot of money, who provides things like money, expensive gifts and luxurious trips to young women in exchange for company or sexual favours. ‘Blessers’ are said to be like Sugar Daddies but richer. The girls or women who accept the material things a blesser provides are called ‘blessees’. A blessee is (normally) a young female who is financially cared for by her blesser in exchange for sexual favours or companionship.

Recently there have been a lot of talk around this ‘Blesser Lifestyle’ with some people arguing that it degrades and objectifies women and others being concerned over the fact that it puts more women at risk of being infected with STIs, such as HIV.

Why do young girls put themselves at risk?

There are a few reasons why someone would enter into this type of relationship chomas. On the one hand, a ‘blesser’ could be seen as a solution to a bad financial situation. Some women find themselves in situations where they feel desperate for money and financial support.  On the other hand, it could come down to peer pressure or wanting to be popular among her peers. It could be a way for the teenage girl to tell herself that she is already grown-up and is now a part of the adult world. Some young girls may be looking for greater physical independence, which could be a way to get away from her environment and she may see this as attractive. Older men are seen as more mature and experienced in all parts of life which may be appealing for a young girl, especially if she’s looking to escape her current financial situation.

‘Blessers’ offer young women a more lavish lifestyle and this could be appealing to young women who want to be spoilt or looked after. A lot of it can come down to someone having a low self-esteem and thinking that the way the ‘blesser’ treats them (spoiling them with material things) makes them feel more worthy.

Increased risk in HIV transmission

The issue of young women dating older men has always been a concern because there is a bigger risk of a young girl falling pregnant or being infected by HIV when she dates an older man.

Young women dating older guys might feel like they’re in a more trusting relationship because he is more experienced and trustworthy. He might seem like a “safe” partner option compared to someone who is younger and “less experienced” and this is the older guy that women might choose not to use protection with. However, older men do often have multiple sexual partners and might even be married. This type of relationship then puts women at risk of developing HIV and other STIs. 

A relationship that’s risky and that people get into for the wrong reasons can be disempowering, especially to young girls and women who have less power in the relationship because they rely financially and emotionally on their partner. Do you think this type of relationship is empowering or disempowering? What’s your opinion on ‘blessers’ chomas? Would you ever get one?