Revenge cheating is having an affair or doing romantic acts with someone to “get revenge” on a partner who cheated first. Revenge cheating happens because you believe that the act will cause your partner the same emotional pain you’re feeling. But it actually causes more problems than it solves. Here’s more.

How it affects you

You can’t overcome what you’re not willing to confront. As the saying goes, “two wrongs don’t make a right”. By participating in revenge cheating, all you’re doing is using anger to protect yourself from dealing with the emotional pain you feel, which is unhealthy. Unless you deal with your pain, you won’t be able to heal and be happy within. Revenge cheating might also expose you to sexually transmitted illnesses.

Is it worth it?

Getting revenge on someone who cheated on you may sound like a good idea but it’s not worth it, Choma. Revenge cheating won’t give you the peace you need- so remind yourself that it’s not worth your time and well-being. If you want to feel better, deal with the pain, shame, and anger you feel, be kind to yourself, and give yourself time to process it before making any rash decisions. If you feel overwhelmed, consider talking to someone you trust, or chat to me before making rash decisions.

Moving on

Moving on means releasing or giving up the relationship you once envisioned with that person. It’s important to accept your feelings of shock, agitation, fear, pain, depression, betrayal and confusion. You’ll likely feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster for a while. It takes time to get beyond the pain of being betrayed by your partner, so don’t rush the process. Your relationship has changed, and it’s natural to grieve what you once had, whether you continue with the relationship or not.

Try to take care of yourself. You may have some physical reactions due to this stress, such as nausea, diarrhoea, sleep problems (too little or too much), shakiness, difficulty concentrating, not wanting to eat, or overeating. Once the initial shock has passed, try your best to eat healthy foods, stay on a schedule, sleep regular hours, get some exercise each day, drink plenty of water, and connect with family and friends that see your worth.

Blaming yourself, your partner, or the third party is just a waste of energy and makes it harder to let go. Remember, your partner cheating is never a reflection of your worth. Always be the bigger person by choosing healthier copying mechanisms when dealing with unfaithfulness.

Remember, if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send a Facebook message or a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).