What secondary abstinence means

When you choose to wait to have sex, for whatever reason; this is known as abstinence. Many people do this because they don’t believe in sex before marriage, some because they want to wait until they feel ready, are mature enough or until they find a partner they can truly trust and love. In a case where you have already had sex and are no longer a virgin, but choose to stop having sex and wait for a while until you are ready, this is called secondary abstinence.

Sometimes we rush into sexual activity or sexual relationships before we are emotionally or physically prepared. If you begin to feel uncomfortable with having sex, there’s nothing shameful in choosing to stop. Just because you have already had sex, doesn’t mean you need to continue. Whether you are afraid of pregnancy, contracting sexually transmitted illnesses (STIs), including HIV, or just realising that you don’t want to continue for a while. Secondary abstinence allows you to to stop having sex until you are ready – this can be a month, 6 months, even a year or a few years – the choice is yours.

It’s your choice

If you are in a relationship and no longer feel comfortable having sex, be open and honest with your partner and talk it through with them. Just remember that you don’t have to do something just because you feel pressured to. Choosing not to have sex is perfectly fine.

Chomas, the choice is yours, always remember that, and only do what you feel comfortable with. If you have any questions, I’m always available to answer all of them.

Remember if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).