You’ve been seeing someone for a while (it could be a short while or a long while) and then all of a sudden they seem to just completely disappear – no texts, no calls, just no communication at all. In modern terms Choma, you’ve been ‘ghosted’. What are you supposed to do? You might feel like you should continue to try and get a hold of them or get others to get them to talk to you – but is it really a good idea? I get asked this question sometimes and I agree that it’s a terrible thing to happen to anyone, so here’s my advice.

First check that you actually have been ghosted. The person might have lost their phone, might be ill or simply didn’t get your message. Before sending a string of messages and calling their phone the whole time – check if they are okay. Find out from someone close to them or send them a friendly messaging telling them you’re trying to get a hold of them. If you still don’t hear from them after a few days, even though you know they are fine, then you would need to accept that you have been ghosted Choma.

Don’t put blame on yourself

This is something that happens to many people and sometimes you just don’t know why. If you know there wasn’t any argument or you didn’t do anything to hurt the person (they just simply stopped responding) then know that it’s not about you. They might be going through something or might be involved with someone else outside your relationship. Whatever you do Choma, it is not your fault, so don’t beat yourself up about it.

Let go

I know it is hard but it might be best to just accept what has happened and move on. You’ll be wasting a lot of energy if you keep trying to get a response from someone who doesn’t seem interested in you. You really don’t deserve that Choma. If someone respects and values you, they would make an effort to let you know what’s going on and why they’re not able to respond. Instead of hurting yourself further, let the person and the situation go.

Focus on yourself

Someone ghosting you doesn’t say anything about you. It doesn’t make you less beautiful, less amazing as a person or less worthy of love. This person has made a decision but it doesn’t define you. All it means is that you can now move on and focus on yourself and being with people who actually love and appreciate you.

I understand that letting go is hard Choma but, in my opinion, it’s probably the best thing you can do for yourself. Focus on building healthy relationships and on loving yourself no matter what.

Remember, if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).