Healthy relationships are built on trust, honesty, consistency and love. You don’t deserve someone who thinks it’s okay to disappear on you at random and come back into your life as if they did nothing wrong.  Ghosters do this. They’re inconsistent and often have ridiculous excuses for their disappearing acts. This kind of relationship’s toxic and poses serious health risks. Here’s why.

What is ghosting?

Ghosting’s basically stopping all communication with a person so that you can end a relationship. If your partner stops answering your texts (meaning they don’t reply to you for more than a few days) or you suddenly find it really hard to get ahold of them, this can also be ghosting. 

Why do people ghost?

Partners who ghost you do it for a number of reasons. One reason your partner may be  ghosting you is that they believe that disappearing from your life’s an easy and clean way to end a relationship that they’re no longer interested in.

Keep in mind that a partner who ghosts you is acting from a selfish place. They’re only looking out for their own needs and wants and care very little about how their inconsistent behaviour affects you.

When you’re being ghosted, you tend to think that you did something wrong and you may even question your self-worth. What’s worse is that, if your partner returns, they’ll usually make you believe that the problem lies with you.  Of course, this isn’t true. They’re in the wrong and should be accountable (take responsibility) for their actions.

What to do when you’re ghosted

While you may be thinking of a million reasons why you were ghosted, it’s important to remind yourself that you can’t really control another person’s actions. However, you can control how you react and what you allow.

My advice’s to cut all connections that you still have with that person. This will be really hard at first but it’ll stop them from suddenly reappearing and expecting to be welcomed with open arms.

Should you decide to speak to them again, you need to explain how their actions affected you and be clear that you won’t tolerate that. More importantly, if you don’t break up with them, then you should ask to get tested and screened for STIs and make sure you use a condom during sex.  An unreliable partner’s most likely to engage in risky sexual behaviour, which increases your chances of contracting sexually transmitted infections and HIV.

Remember that the problem isn’t with you – a person who loves you will be honest about their feelings and will definitely not disappear on you. Relationships should be a source of happiness, not doubt and disappointment. Know your worth Choma.

Remember if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).