Do you feel like you always help and give so much time to your friends and others but hardly ever have time for the things you want or need to do? It’s always a good thing to help others when you have the time to, but remember the key is to also prioritise your needs and goals, Choma. Over-committing yourself can leave you with little time to do the things you need to do for yourself and can essentially hold you back.  Saying no when you need to say no can be a good thing, and here’s why:

Why to say “no”

Over-committing yourself means you’ve agreed to too many things – whether it’s spending time with people or helping them out with something – so you struggle to get everything done. When you find that you don’t have time to do things for yourself then you should think about your calendar more carefully (or create one if you haven’t) so you can plan your days better and see when you’ll have time for the things you need to do.

When you don’t have time to help people out or chill with friends because you have to focus on your books, it’s important to be comfortable with saying “no” and this is why:

• To decrease stress and anxiety over not being able to do things you’ve promised to.
• To avoid being that unreliable person.
• To improve your productivity, because you’ll be able to focus better on the things you can and have to do.

When to say “no”

If you have a hard time figuring out when you should say “no”, here are a few ideas:

• To social plans that dig into your study time.
• To bad habits like drinking, smoking, and risky behaviour that can leave you feeling tired, anxious or even sick.
• To stressful situations like unnecessary conflict.
• To procrastination- putting off the important things you have to do.
  

Choma, you need to be able to be honest with yourself when you’re questioning someone’s request and trying to figure out when to say “no”. If you’re not 100% sure you can help out, be there or if the idea of doing something makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s best to give it more thought and maybe not agree to it so fast.

How to say “no”

As much as it sucks to let someone down by saying no to what they’ve asked from you, trust me, it’s way better than being disappointed in yourself and stressed if you can’t keep to a commitment. Try let them down gently with these tips:

• Suggest other options- this will show that you are genuinely interested in their needs/wants being met, even if you can’t help them yourself.
• Keeping a positive vibe by being respectful
• Give them reasons for why you feel that you can’t commit so they can understand your side of things.

Putting yourself first doesn’t make you selfish Choma, especially during exam season. Did you know that learning to say “no” today so you can focus on your books is a skill that will help you throughout your life? It’s also a really good way to practice discipline and self-care!

What are some things that you feel like you need to say “no” to so you can achieve your goals and be more focused, choma? Share your answer with me in the comments.

If you need advice or help, remember that you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657)