Everyone is nervous the first time they have sex. You’re not exactly sure what you’re doing or if you’re doing it right. When it’s over, you’re left asking yourself all sorts of questions.  This is all normal and luckily, it’ll get better.  At the end of the day, sex can be a very special and intimate experience between two people. The biggest trick is doing it with someone whom you love and trust, and waiting until you are ready. Here are you first time sex questions answered:

“Will it hurt?” 

The breaking of the hymen may hurt a little, but not as much as you think. If you are having intercourse for the first time, the penetration of the penis into the vagina, causes the hymen (the tissue that lines the opening of the vagina) to break. Remember that a bit of foreplay (all the things that lead up to sex) is always a good idea, ladies. Foreplay, like kissing, touching and oral sex will get your juices flowing to sufficiently lubricate your vagina so that your partner can easily slip inside you without any discomfort to you or them.

“Will I bleed?” 

The tearing of the hymen will cause a bit of light blood spotting. This is normal, but there really shouldn’t be too much blood. If there is excessive pain or bleeding, you might want to visit a doctor to get checked out.

“What if my boyfriend doesn’t want to use a condom?” 

If your guy doesn’t want to glove up, then he probably isn’t the guy you should be giving your virginity to. We understand wanting to please your bae, but he needs to please you too – by wearing a condom and protecting you both from an unwanted pregnancy and STIs, including HIV.  Nothing ruins the mood like worrying about whether you’re safe.

For more tips on what to do when your partner doesn’t want to use a condom, check out our article on, ‘Talking to your partner about condoms’. And don’t forget to read my article on exactly how to use a condom.

“Can I get pregnant the first time I have sex?” 

Yes.  No matter what anyone else says, you can definitely fall pregnant after having sex for the first time. Using a condom correctly is highly effective in preventing pregnancy and STIs (sexually transmitted infections), including HIV. Talk to your healthcare provider at your nearest clinic about other contraceptive methods like the Pill or the Loop to be extra safe, and read my articles to learn more about the different contraceptive methods.

“Will I have an orgasm?” 

You’ve probably heard about the big “O” and are wondering what all the fuss is about. An orgasm is the pleasurable release experienced during sexual arousal. You may or may not have one, so don’t be too concerned about it. Orgasms come with being comfortable with each other and this may take some time.

Remember guys also get nervous. It is, after all, the first time he is having sex with you and if he is having a problem getting aroused, don’t make a big deal of it. You might just need time to get to know each other’s bodies and learn what turns both of you on. Having sex for the first time is not something you can ever take back, so think carefully before giving it up. Once you’ve done the deed, you can’t get your virginity back. Make sure you are prepared and you’re doing it for the right reasons.

If you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).