When you’re considering having sex with someone, there are a few things you might immediately base your decisions on. You’ll probably be thinking about how much chemistry you have, how comfortable you are with the person and whether it’s a safe option. But sometimes, Choma, there are certain signs that will let you know you’re not ready to sleep with the person. Here are a few.

They don’t respect your boundaries

If you tell them that you don’t want to do something (whether it’s kissing them or seeing them when you’re busy) and they force you to do it anyway then that person is a no-no Choma. It doesn’t matter how long you’re with someone, before you decide to have sex with them, it’s important that they respect you as a person and respect your choices. No means no, and anyone who doesn’t understand that should just be shown the door.

Read More:

How to Create Healthy Boundaries in Your Relationship

Sexpression: How to Say What’s On Your Mind

Consent: What is it?

Your expectations are different

You might be wanting something much more from the relationship while the other person just wants a fling. Sex shouldn’t be used as a way to get close to someone or to get them to want to be with you more. If you expect more from the relationship, let the other person know. If they want something totally different (like sex but without the relationship, in other words they just want to be ‘friends with benefits’) then you should rethink your decision to have sex with them. You deserve to have your needs in a relationship met so be willing to walk away when someone can’t offer you the type of relationship you need Choma.

Read More:

Signs Your Partner Only Wants Sex

Relationship Status: It’s Complicated

Can You Protect Yourself From Heartbreak?

There’s alcohol involved

Alcohol affects your judgement and also limits your ability to make firm decisions and give your full consent. If one (or both) of you is drunk, it’s definitely not a good idea.  If someone is unable to consent because they are under the influence of alcohol, then sex should definitely not happen Choma.

Read More:

What is NOT Considered Consent

Why Responsible Sexual Behaviour is Important

Staying safe while having fun

They refuse to use a condom

This is a sign of irresponsibility and disrespect. Whoever you have sex with should respect your body and your need for safety – and this goes both ways Choma. Having sex without a condom is unsafe, period. You risk contracting HIV, a sexually transmitted infection (STI) and risk unplanned pregnancy. Someone who doesn’t understand your need to prioritize your safety, isn’t worth your time.

Read more:

Excuses for Not Condomising

Stealthing: What It Is and Why It’s Sexual Assault

Why People Don’t Use Condoms When They Should

You don’t really want to

Maybe you’re just not physically and emotionally ready. Maybe you don’t actually like the person or don’t feel a real spark.  Choma, it’s perfectly fine not to feel like you want to have sex with someone. There is absolutely no reason why you should convince yourself to do something you’re not completely ready for or uncomfortable with. And your reason for not having sex isn’t anyone’s business. You don’t owe anyone or the person you’re with any deep explanations. Not having sex is as simple as saying “I don’t feel like it” or simply “no”. When you decide to have sex, let it be on your terms. It’s your body after all. There is no pressure to have sex when you are not ready Choma.

Read More:

What is a Delayed Sexual Debut

8 Ways to be Intimate Without Sex

How to Tell Someone You’re Not Ready For Sex

Choma, I have a whole lot of articles on Sex and Pregnancy as well as Love and Relationships. Go through them whenever you get a chance for tips on how to have a healthy, safe sex life and healthy, safe relationships.

Remember, you can also send me a message to talk to me about anything. So if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, a Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 3657).