Friendship Red Flags

When to Walk Away and When to Work It Out 

Friendships can be one of life’s greatest joys. A good friend can feel like a sibling you chose for yourself, someone who’s there for the laughs, the tears, and everything in between. But what happens when things start feeling off? Knowing how to spot red flags in friendships can help you protect your peace and decide whether to fix things or move on. Let’s dive into some common friendship red flags and how to handle them. 

1. They Always Put You Down 

Friends should hype you up, not tear you down. If your friend constantly criticizes you, makes you feel small, or brushes off your achievements, it’s a big red flag. Healthy friendships are built on mutual respect and encouragement. 

Work it out: Talk to your friend and let them know how their words affect you. A good friend will want to change their behavior. 

Walk away: If they dismiss your feelings or continue the behavior, it might be time to step back. 

2. They Are Only Around When They Need Something 

Do you notice that your friend only calls or texts when they need a favor? That’s a sign of a one-sided friendship. Real friends are there through thick and thin, not just when it’s convenient for them. 

Work it out: Set boundaries, let them know you value mutual effort in the friendship. 

Walk away: If they’re not willing to meet you halfway, it’s okay to prioritize friendships where the love flows both ways. 

3. They Are Jealous of Your Success 

A true friend will celebrate your wins with you. If your friend seems bitter or tries to downplay your achievements, it’s a sign of insecurity and unhealthy competition. 

Work it out: Have an open and honest conversation. Sometimes, jealousy stems from their own struggles. 

Walk away: If their jealousy leads to toxic behaviour like sabotage or constant negativity, it might be time to part ways. 

4. They Gossip About You 

Hearing that your friend has been talking about you behind your back can feel like a punch to the gut. Trust is the foundation of any strong friendship, and gossip breaks that trust. 

Work it out: Confront them (calmly) about what you’ve heard and see if they’re willing to own up and change. 

Walk away: If they deny it or continue gossiping, it’s best to distance yourself. 

5. They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries 

Whether it’s constantly canceling plans, invading your privacy, or ignoring your feelings, disrespecting boundaries is a serious red flag. 

Work it out: Clearly communicate your boundaries and explain why they’re important to you. 

Walk away: If they keep crossing the line despite your efforts, it’s okay to step back. 

6. They Make You Feel Drained 

Friendships should feel uplifting, not exhausting. If you leave every interaction feeling drained or anxious, it’s worth reflecting on whether this friendship is good for your mental health. 

Work it out: Share how you’re feeling and suggest spending time together in ways that feel more positive. 

Walk away: If nothing changes, prioritize your well-being by reducing contact. 

When It’s Worth Working It Out: 

• Your friend is open to feedback and willing to change. 

• You’ve shared meaningful moments that make the friendship worth saving. 

• The issues seem to stem from miscommunication or external stress. 

When It’s Time to Walk Away: 

• They repeatedly hurt you or dismiss your feelings. 

• They refuse to take responsibility for their actions. 

• You feel more at peace without them in your life. 

Choma, friendships should bring you joy, support, and love. If a friendship no longer serves you or causes more pain than happiness, it’s okay to walk away. Remember, you deserve friends who treat you with kindness and respect. And don’t forget, losing a toxic friend can make space for healthier, happier connections to grow. 

Remember if you or a friend need advice or help, you can contact me here on Ask Choma, send me a Facebook Message, an  Instagram message, a  Twitter DM, or a WhatsApp Message (071 172 365)